


All My Love Was Down in a Frozen Ground

by Pineau_noir



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: (waggles eyebrows), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awesome Clint Barton, Awesome Sharon Carter (Marvel), Awesome Wanda Maximoff, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes as Captain America, Captain America: The Winter Soldier Compliant, Established Relationship, F/M, I'm really happy Marvel got them back together, M/M, Masturbation, Meld between the comic and movies, Natasha Is a Good Bro, Not Canon Compliant, POV Multiple, Period-Typical Homophobia, Rimming, Sam Wilson is a Gift, Slow Burn, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Steve is dead, Steve meant to go down with the ship, T'Challa is both a literal and figurative king, Tony Stark Has A Heart, and Pepper and Tony are broken up, betaed by my husband, but not really, flashback to anal sex, just until chapter 7, literally everybody has a metal arm fetish, possible overuse of exclamation points, so the Avengers are still in the tower, some violence, the Valkyrie was not a mistake, the author can't write violence so it's all vague, the ladies of Marvel get together and fix things, written before I saw Spiderman: Homecoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-01-18 19:51:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12395028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pineau_noir/pseuds/Pineau_noir
Summary: The last moments between Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were contentious. The last moments between Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were loving. But Steve is shot, unexpectedly, on his way to sign the Sokovia Accords and then officially retire as Captain America. This story takes place after Steve is gone. It deals with the aftermath of the loss, how the "official" and unofficial Avengers deal with the loss of their leader and their recovery. They must all figure out who will wield Steve's shield and become the new Captain America. Steve is locked in his memories for almost a year before he returns to see all of his loved ones changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've written quite a lot of this and planned out the last chapters. I'm trying to post a chapter a week but I want to stay about 3 chapters ahead since the holidays are coming up and my life is super busy right now. I wrote the first five chapters in a rush over a weekend and since then, writing has been more sporadic with my family and then my in-laws visiting from out of state. I'm also heading up a state convention for a non-profit and I've got 3 year old twins. So. I'm trying my best to stay ahead. Also I like to write a bit, then go back and reread it. So though, most of the story is written, it's not edited or formatted.
> 
> The Captain America comics by Ed Brubaker are phenomenal but not required reading. But I would definitely recommend reading them just to read them. This story is a meld of the MCU and the comics.
> 
> I'm terrible at summaries and tags, so bear with me!
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha starts. “Everything is awful. How do we make things better?” She's always been like that, succinct, to the point. Wanting to fix any wrongs for her friends. She's never had many friends so she holds tight to the ones she has, takes on all the heartache, all the pain to spare them from the bad things. She was unsuccessful with the loss of Steve. She doesn't know how to make anything better. She hasn't felt this helpless since she was a child, before she understood the Red Room. Before they taught her to only care for herself. She idly wonders if the abrupt shift is due to not caring for anyone for so many years to suddenly having Clint, Steve, Tony, Thor, Bruce, Maria, Wanda, Pepper to care about. She clings to their happiness. She thinks if they are happy, maybe one day she could be happy.

There is no light.

He remembers.

He remembers the cold, a fast train.

He remembers _Bucky_ , god, _Bucky_ , in the cold, falling off the train.

He remembers being smaller.

He remembers wanting.

He remembers his mother's death, Bucky's hand on his shoulder, brushing the hair out of his eyes. He remembers the longing for an embrace, for being held so gently by his mother, remembers falling into Bucky's arms.

He stops remembering.

\-----

#### Tony

God, why did Rogers have to get fucking shot. There wasn't any time to forgive and now Steve is dead and Tony's mad and sad and feeling all the things he felt when his parents died. Which is why he's mad at Steve. And it's this never ending loop, mad, sad, mad because Steve hid the details of Tony's parents' death, mad because fucking Barnes looked so broken but how else was Tony expected to react?

God, was he going to have to comfort Barnes, because he knew he couldn't do that without all the alcohol and drugs that he had given up in hopes of even talking to Pepper again. She was the best thing that ever happened to him and now she's fucking gone too. And he can't even blame Steve or Barnes for that. Tony lost her all by himself, like a big fucking boy.

He looks at the shield, haphazardly shoved in the corner, the last physical link to both his father and the man who would become one of his closest friends and greatest betrayers, lays his head down, and sobs silently.

\-----

#### Bucky

Wakanda is beautiful. The lab is spotless. He yearns for oblivion. He asks to be put under. His request is honored. He feels nothing, the cold welcoming him home, making him not hurt anymore.

\-----

#### Natasha

She sees Tony asleep on his workshop floor. She makes one call. Then another. One last call and she leaves the tower.

Pepper is the first to arrive, eyes ringed with red. They embrace.

“Nat, I just can't believe Steve's gone.”

“If you find it unbelievable, imagine how _Tony_ feels.”

“Fuck,” Pepper sighs. “Tony.”

Maria and Wanda arrive within minutes of each other.

Natasha starts. “Everything is awful. How do we make things better?” She's always been like that, succinct, to the point. Wanting to fix any wrongs for her friends. She's never had many friends so she holds tight to the ones she has, takes on all the heartache, all the pain to spare them from the bad things. She was unsuccessful with the loss of Steve. She doesn't know how to make anything better. She hasn't felt this helpless since she was a child, before she understood the Red Room. Before they taught her to only care for herself. She idly wonders if the abrupt shift is due to not caring for anyone for so many years to suddenly having Clint, Steve, Tony, Thor, Bruce, Maria, Wanda, Pepper to care about. She clings to their happiness. She thinks if they are happy, maybe one day she could be happy.

Pepper and Wanda are softly talking. Maria looks to Natasha. “How could this happen? I thought the serum made Steve stronger, too strong for a gun to hurt him for long, much less,” her voice trails off, not wanting to speak the words “kill Steve.” Because that's reality. Steve was shot. Steve died. Steve was buried. And not an empty casket, like after the war. Natasha saw his body. Felt his chest, still, not rising, felt no heartbeat, saw his empty eyes. If she still cried, she would have broken down.

Natasha sighs. “I called you all here because everything is falling apart. Bruce is in the wind, Tony is _this_ close to drinking himself into oblivion, Sam won't answer my calls, Clint keeps throwing himself into danger, Thor is having to clean up some mess in Asgard, Rhodey won't even look at me, much less talk to me. I don't know what to do. I hate not knowing what to do.”

Wanda looks up, eyes brimming with tears “Nat, sometimes there's nothing you can do. Eventually you feel less sad, less numb.”

Natasha feels even worse at that. Wanda lost her parents, her twin, and now her surrogate father. It's a wonder she hasn't lost her sanity in the process. Wanda is the smallest physically and youngest but has the strongest core.

\-----

#### Sam

“T'Challa, you know this is bullshit. You know he needs help, not to be frozen so he can wake up and be back in the exact same place in a year from now. Barnes isn't my favorite person but this isn't healthy and it sure as hell isn't going to be helpful.”

“Sam, I understand, but this was Bucky's choice. He doesn't feel safe with the trigger words still active.”

Sam laughs, a dry humorless chuckle, “I respect you a lot, T'Challa, but you know that's not the main reason Barnes asked to go under.”

T'Challa smiles, “I know Sam but with as much as he has lost coupled with the fact that he didn't have any bodily autonomy for so long, I wanted to honor his wish.”

“Fair enough,” Sam counters. “But I expect updates. I don't understand their relationship but I know Bucky meant more to Steve than he was letting on, and I trusted Steve. So now I have to care about Barnes since nobody else does.” 

At T'Challa's look, he amends “ _We_ have to care about him. Sorry, man.”

T'Challa nods, clasps Sam on the shoulder and says “I will miss you when you're not here, Sam. I understand why you feel the need to go back to New York, to fight, but I will miss you. You have become a good friend in a short period.”

Sam smiles. He pulls T'Challa into a hug. “I consider you a good friend too. When I was a kid I would never have imaged calling both Captain America and the king of Wakanda friends. But I'm happy things worked out that way. Thanks for taking care of Barnes' stubborn ass and letting me crash here while I needed to process everything. I'll stay in touch. But it's time for me to reenter the world. Steve expected a lot from me and I don't want to let the memory of him down.”

\-----

He remembers fighting with the Howlies, seeing Peggy, old and confused. Memories flood his mind, getting worse and worse. He idly wonders, is this hell, did I not do enough, not give enough?

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concept of this is that Steve died at the end of Civil War, like he did in the comics. And Bucky picks up the mantle of Captain America. But I don't have Sharon shooting him because I defo don't want them to be in love, as Stucky is my OTP. But of course he didn't really die, he was stuck in his memories. I made all his memories be bad ones because, angst. But Tony really has Cap's shield and gives it to Bucky in the comics. So there will be a lot of Tony growing as a person. I actually really like writing from his pov and it's making me really like the character.
> 
> I also wanted more time with the women. I really enjoy the dynamic between all the women and I've tried to write in some times with just them.
> 
> The ultimate goal is to have Bucky become Captain America for a while and then Steve comes back. (Steve does come back in the latest chapter written-chapter 6). 
> 
> I didn't tag this as Major Character Death because Steve isn't actually dead but nobody but the reader really knows that.
> 
> The title is from Re: Stacks by Bon Iver. Which I realize is peak sad white boy music but it's my go to album when my anxiety goes crazy. It's really soothing. And this line refers to both Steve and Bucky's loss. They both think the other is gone but, as in any good comic, gone doesn't mean forever. 
> 
> He sings “whatever could it be that has brought me be to this loss” and I feel that's this story. All the characters are dealing with the loss of Steve. And Steve had to deal with the loss of Bucky. It's a really beautiful, sad song. 
> 
> This is the first thing I have written since some really bad poetry in my 20s. Hope y'all like it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam sits on the couch, happy to be here with friends but desperately missing those friends not at the tower. He misses, Steve, he misses Maria's dry wit, he misses Rhodey and his no-nonsense attitude with Tony, he misses Bruce's calmness, he misses Thor's enthusiasm, he misses the feeling of safety he always got around T'Challa. If he tries, he misses Barnes a little. He's honest with himself, he knows half his problem is the feeling of having to share his best friend with someone else. But the other half is a legitimate problem considering the guy tried to fucking kill him! He refuses to feel guilty for that half.
> 
> But he is happy to be here with Nat, with Wanda, even with Tony. He hopes he can be a stabilizing presence for them, like his months in Wakanda were for him.
> 
> He steps out of the shower, feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. He also feels like maybe, just maybe, if they have help, all his friends might be able to deal with Steve's death in a healthy way. And he feels ready to make Wanda's favorite pie.
> 
> He goes to the communal floor and is welcomed in a way he would have never imagined a couple of months ago. We might come out of this in one piece, he thinks to himself and smiles.

#### Natasha

Steve has been gone two months when she gets her first call from Sam. 

“Barnes is on ice, I'm heading back to New York. Can I crash on your couch?”

Natasha is startled into a laugh, wondering if that's the first time she's laughed since Steve was shot. “Well, I don't know Sam, I'm living at the tower, you'll have to ask Tony.”

She laughs again at the muffled curses she hears on the other end of the phone. “Fine, I'll fucking call Tony. But if he gives me shit, I'm blaming you.”

“Sam, Tony has changed a lot since you last saw him. He may not have forgiven everyone but he's willing to overlook everything that happened. He admits he _maybe_ had some blame in the whole ordeal. Rhodey and Pepper...”

Sam interrupts “Pepper? Are they back together?”

“Sam,” Natasha sighs, “don't interrupt.”

“You're right, Nat, that was rude, sorry.”

“Anyway, Rhodey and Pepper have been visiting a lot and Rhodey has almost convinced Tony that therapy would be a good thing. He's still sober but he still gets that look in his eye when you know that he would sell his soul for a glass of whiskey. And not even a good whiskey, just anything to dull the pain.

“He _may_ have mentioned that Avengers tower _might_ have space for anyone who wants to stay. Now that Ross is out of the picture and T'Challa has withdrawn his support, the Accords have pretty much fallen apart. Tony keeps muttering about getting the gang back together and going on a reunion tour.”

Sam snorts a little at that. “ _might have space_?”

“Yeah, yeah, focus on something else, Sam.”

“Ok, Nat, I'll ask T'Challa to fly me straight to the tower.”

Natasha starts, “And call...”

“Yeah, I know that too, I'll call Tony.”

“It will be good to see you again, Sam.”

“Have you missed my handsome face Natasha? My stunning wit? My....Shit” Sam trails off. “I am **NOT** coming back to be the group therapist for the Avengers! That is **NOT** in my job description! Y'all need to find your own help, I talked to a lovely man in Wakanda about all my problems, I don't need to hear about all of your, enhanced, bummed out, superhero problems! I'm not going to sneak attack anybody with therapy!”

Natasha smiles, “don't worry Sam, Pepper, Maria, Wanda, and I have been meeting and we won't let that happen. We just want you back as a teammate and friend. But we wouldn't mind if you occasionally cooked.”

Sam laughs, “now that I can do. You know how I like to feed people.”

“Yeah, you're a real mother hen, Sam Wilson.”

“I'll be there soon,” he counters.

Natasha ends the call. She quickly texts Pepper.

 **[unknown number]** Sam is on his way home. Still on for lunch?

 **[Pepper]** Yes. I'll be there in 10.

Natasha goes to the ground floor and quickly walks the two blocks to the bistro she and Pepper love but both secretly think is a little pretentious. Considering they both know Tony Stark, that says a lot. She sees Pepper at the door and they go in together.

They place their usual orders.

“How is Sam,” Pepper asks.

“He seems to be in a better place than the rest of us,” Natasha replies.

“That makes sense considering he's been the most well adjusted of the Avengers from the start,” Pepper counters.

“How are you?” Natasha asks, scanning Pepper's face, looking for signs of fatigue, stress, sorrow. Pepper seems a little of each but nothing like she was just days after the funeral when they first hatched their “get the Avengers back together” plan a couple of months ago.

“I'm ok,” Pepper says. “There are bad days, of course, but nothing I can't handle and unlike Tony, I'm happy to go to therapy. I know my limits and understand I can't do everything alone.” She smiles softly, “and I had a better support system than most of you, growing up, so I know how to deal with complex emotions.”

They both sit quietly while their food is delivered and stay quiet until the meal is almost done.

“How is Tony feeling about James now?” Natasha asks gently. She understands how complicated the relationship is for Pepper.

“I think he's starting to realize that Bucky wasn't in charge and as much as he wants to blame the deaths of Maria and Howard on him, he knows he shouldn't. He still does blame him but he's starting to see how muddled the whole situation actually is. He is also getting more and more curious about Steve's relationship with Bucky. He's thrown himself into working on a way to clear the triggers for Bucky. I don't know if he would be working on it if Steve was alive,” Pepper admits. “But for right now, it feels like he's honoring Steve's memory while not having to interact with Bucky.

“I think it helps to have you and Wanda at the tower. He always builds these huge living spaces and and then is so isolated. Working on Rhodey's mobility helped with the loneliness but once he started walking on his own, Tony felt like no one needs him. So providing for you and Wanda gives him a sense of purpose. He's not the best at admitting his feelings”

Natasha snorts at that but gestures for Pepper to finish.

“But he is learning that he can't just buy his way out of his problems any more.”

Natasha nods, “I think that started to sink in when you left. Do you think...”

“I don't know,” Pepper answers. “I still love him but I can't be his only support. He has to work through a lot before I could consider moving back. Maybe if he started talking to someone and could learn how to deal with his emotions in a healthy manner we could be together. But he has a lot of work before I let myself be vulnerable with him again. I know he's been sober since the funeral and that helps but there's still too much I'm unsure about.

Having Sam in the building will help I think.”

Natasha laughs, Pepper looks at her, amused. “Sam has emphatically declared he's not the Avenger's therapist. He's willing to cook but not to be a soundboard for any and all 'enhanced, bummed out, superhero problems.'”

They pay their bill and walk the few blocks back to the tower. Natasha goes to the training room and Pepper heads up to Tony's workshop. They both feel lighter after speaking to each other.

\-----

#### Tony

Tony perks up as soon as he hears Pepper's heels on the tile.

“Pepper! The apple of my eye, the Hall to my Oates, the Sonny to my Cher, the Milli to my Vanilli, you're looking lovely today. How's Na-tash-aaaaa?” he drags out her name. “Yes, I know the two of you meet up every week, no I don't know what you talk about, and yes, that makes me a little crazy but I'm working on giving people personal space. Rhodey says it's 'healthy' or something. I don't know, I zoned out about the time he started talking about 'therapy' and 'repressing my feelings' and 'empathy.'”

Pepper smiles. “Lunch was lovely, we just like to get together to talk about how everyone is coping. And you should really listen to him, he does know a little about losing a friend, he took it hard when you were captured. And he's right, you...”

“Pep, I know. I do. I just have,” Tony trails off. 

They both wait, silently.

“I just have to compartmentalize,” he says finally. “If I had to feel everything all the time, I might explode. Rhodey has floated a couple of names of people he thinks I would like, and I've looked into.”

“By look into, do you mean grossly invaded their privacy?” Pepper counters, a little sharply.

“Actually, no. I didn't have FRIDAY search for anything that wasn't public information. I have grown a little, even if no one wants to believe it.”

Pepper's face softens. Tony turns away, starting to feel too raw to see approval on her face without being able to kiss her, hold her, love her.

“ANYway, what brings you here?” he asks a little gruffly, fiddling with his latest project that no one but him understands. God, he misses Bruce. 

“Have you spoken to Sam?” Pepper asks.

“Yes, yes, birdboy is on his way here. I had FRIDAY get people to make his floor ready. And I stocked the communal kitchen with the ingredients for my favorite meals; lasagna, banana bread, mac and cheese, crab cakes, pie. _Pie_ , Pepper!”

Pepper laughs at that. “Sam isn't coming to cook your comfort foods, Tony. He's coming back to help out the Avengers.”

Tony gives her his best impression of a dog begging for a treat. “Can't he do both? We won't be Avenging full time. He loves to cook! He's told me that on at least one occasion! And I love to eat. It's a match made in heaven, if heaven was a place where he betrayed you for your mutual friend and then tried to make it up to me through cooking for me while I generously provided a place to live, new wings, a new wardrobe, food, and any other amenity he could ask for. It's really not too much to ask!

And pie, Pepper! I may not believe in a higher power but I believe in that man's pie.”

Pepper smiles fondly and admits, “Sam really did learn to cook pie from an angel, didn't he?”

FRIDAY chimes in “Boss, it appears that the jet from Wakanda has landed. Do you want to meet up with Mr. Wilson or have me direct him to you?”

“I'll come up to him, FRIDAY, thanks.” Tony looks at Pepper, “do you want to join me?”

She shakes her head. “No, but why don't you call Natasha. I'm sure she would be happy to see both of you. I need to head out.”

She leans in to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. He feels warm all over. He thinks maybe, just maybe things might work for them again. He is bolstered with a feeling of hope. The first time he's felt that way since he and Steve fought. Maybe Rhodey is right, maybe an unbiased person to talk to would help. No matter what he is willing to admit to Rhodey or Pepper or Natasha, he does listen to people. He knows he needs to change. And he is realizing he wants to change so he feels better, not to win back the girl and win the day. He feels a little proud of himself for his personal growth. He thinks he should be rewarded with pie. Ok, he thinks maybe that's not exactly a step forward but Sam's pie is amazing. He will not feel guilty for loving pie. Any therapist worth their salt would agree with that statement he assures himself.

\-----

#### Sam

Wanda nearly knocks him down when she hugs him.

“Sam” she says in that voice that is far too old for such a young woman. “It's good to see you again.”

“You too, Wanda. How has Tony been treating you?”

“Pretty well, birdboy,” a voice from the hall exclaims. “FRIDAY, how did Wanda beat me up to the roof?” Tony asks.

“I notified her first, Boss. You were busy,” FRIDAY explains.

“That may work this time but don't forget who gave birth to you.”

“Tony, man, that's gross. I don't want to know about you giving birth!” Sam exclaims.

“Yeah it's good to see you too,” Tony answers softly.

Sam looks at Tony and Wanda and makes an executive decision. “Ok, let me throw my stuff in my room, rinse off the frankly delightful smell of Wakanda, because y'all can't handle it, and then I'll meet you in the kitchen. Tony, which kitchen has supplies for a lemon meringue pie?”

Tony looks at him, dumbfounded, “all of them?"

Wanda's peals of laughter follow Sam to the elevator.

FRIDAY directs Sam to his embarrassingly large floor. Natasha is waiting for him. They briefly hug. “I'm glad you're back, Sam. The tower is too big for the three of us.”

He smiles at her, “give me twenty minutes and then meet me in communal kitchen. Wakanda was nice and T'Challa was both a literal and figurative king, but I missed the tactile feeling of making my own food. I'm making a pie.”

She laughs and leaves.

Sam sits on the couch, happy to be here with friends but desperately missing those friends not at the tower. He misses, Steve, he misses Maria's dry wit, he misses Rhodey and his no-nonsense attitude with Tony, he misses Bruce's calmness, he misses Thor's enthusiasm, he misses the feeling of safety he always got around T'Challa. If he tries, he misses Barnes a little. He's honest with himself, he knows half his problem is the feeling of having to share his best friend with someone else. But the other half is a legitimate problem considering the guy tried to fucking kill him! He refuses to feel guilty for that half.

But he is happy to be here with Nat, with Wanda, even with Tony. He hopes he can be a stabilizing presence for them, like his months in Wakanda were for him.

He steps out of the shower, feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world. He also feels like maybe, just maybe, if they have help, all his friends might be able to deal with Steve's death in a healthy way. And he feels ready to make Wanda's favorite pie. 

He goes to the communal floor and is welcomed in a way he would have never imagined a couple of months ago. We might come out of this in one piece, he thinks to himself and smiles. 

\-----

#### Bucky

He sleeps without being asleep. He feels nothing, neither the loss of Steve nor the loss of his arm.

\----- 

He is fighting the Red Skull with Peggy in his ear. She knows what Bucky meant to him, what they were to each other. She tries to talk him out of his sacrifice. They might have been happy together but he just lost his whole world. He can't see the future while the present is so sharp.

His heart hurts.

He thinks, why am I fighting, haven't I already lived this? Haven't I already given my fucking everything? Why am I stuck in this memory? Was it not enough to live it once, now I have to do it again? He feels tired.

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I live for kudos and comments!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has been back a month, she, Wanda, Sam, and Tony have taken out an AIM branch or two, Clint has fixed whatever was happening with his building and rejoined the rest of them, Tony mans mission control now, Rhodey has settled into the tower for an extended, albeit forced, vacation, Steve's shield is still collecting dust in the corner of Tony's workshop when she gets the call from Wakanda.
> 
> “Hello, Natasha, you wished for me to inform you of my scientists work on Tony's neural regeneration device. They think it will repair the triggers in Barnes' brain. They are confident this is the best chance to help him.”

#### Natasha

Sam has been back a month, she, Wanda, Sam, and Tony have taken out an AIM branch or two, Clint has fixed whatever was happening with his building and rejoined the rest of them, Tony mans mission control now, Rhodey has settled into the tower for an extended, albeit forced, vacation, Steve's shield is still collecting dust in the corner of Tony's workshop when she gets the call from Wakanda.

“Hello, Natasha, you wished for me to inform you of my scientists work on Tony's neural regeneration device. They think it will repair the triggers in Barnes' brain. They are confident this is the best chance to help him.”

Natasha breathes deeply. “How sure are you that we can wake James up, have his triggers removed and not lose him. He hasn't had the time we have had to work through Steve's death. This was the major drawback for putting him back in cryofreeze.”

T'Challa sighs, “Whatever he decides, I will support. He has spent too long running from people, myself included, to not be able to decide on his own how he wants to grieve. There is no one he can seek for vengeance and since his memories have all come back, he is no threat to innocents. He spent so long not being able to make his own decisions, I refuse to take this away from him.”

She hums to herself “that's all true. But let him know, he has a support system in me and Sam if he needs it. He may not think we will react well to him coming back to New York but we all miss Steve and we can be there for him while he grieves. Tony has come around a little and has offered an apartment off site for James in Red Hook. He's not willing to see or speak to James and he doesn't want to know if the property is vacant or occupied but he's purchased a home for James. He has also transferred all of Steve's possessions to the building, save the shield, and set up an account in James' name with Steve's back pay so James has money. It's more than I would do under the circumstance.”

“Do not sell yourself short, Natasha. I believe you have more empathy than you think. But I will let Barnes know all of that. However, once the triggers are cleared, I will support any decision he makes, even if that decision is to disappear and not inform you all.”

“Thanks, T'Challa, relaying the information is all we can ask of you. You've already done so much for us all.”

“I understand what it is to lose a person close to you. I am happy to help” T'Challa responds and they both end the call.

 **[unknown number]** T'Challa said Stark's neural regeneration device will work on James. He will wake him up and take out the triggers but after that, James' choices are his own.

 **[Sam]** That's great news!

 **[Tony]** It's called the “thinking cap” Natasha. And how is it you have a different phone number every time you text us?!?

 **[unknown number]** Stark, I am not calling it that. And imagine for a second that I'm as smart as you plus I have years of training as a spy. That's how I change numbers.

 **[Clint]** ha! i know her secret! neener neerner

 **[Tony]** Ok birdbrain, just because you know how she does it doesn't mean you understand how she does it!

 **[Pepper]** Tony, you don't have to know everything. Natasha, Sam is right, that is great news. Please let us all know how things progress.

 **[Sam]** HA! Pepper said I was right!

 **[Tony]** Yeah, but she still likes me better!

 **[unknown number]** Children, focus.

 **[Wanda]** Thank you for letting us all know, Nat. I know it would have made Steve happy to have us all work together to help his friend, even if we were at odds.

 **[Clint]** that's the nicest way ive ever seen somebody say 'cause tony hates his ass'

 **[Stark]** I don't hate him, birdbrain, but he's not my favorite person. But if Steve was big enough to forgive me for all my crap, the least I can do is try to fix the guy riddled with TBI's.

 **[Sam]** Very magnanimous, Tony.

 **[Tony]** Thanks birdboy.

 **[Clint]** wait, y is sam birdboy but im birdbrain? im smrt!

 **[Tony]** Keep telling yourself that, birdbrain

 **[unknown number]** This conversation has devolved into nonsense. I'll see you all at dinner. Tony, please make sure Rhodey knows it's team night.

 **[Pepper]** See you tonight!

 **[Clint]** byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 **[Sam]** sigh, I'll see y'all tonight.

 **[Wanda]** I'm on cooking duty so expect food at 7.

Natasha has a fond look on her face when she puts her phone down. Team night seemed far-fetched when Sam first suggested it. But it has grown to be one of her favorite times of the week. She will be the first to admit that she has no interest or skill in cooking so her and Stark's contribution is always take-out but there is something nice about sharing a meal with friends. She thinks they have been able to forgive each other while they eat and talk about the week. Plus, Sam and Wanda are both fantastic cooks.

She hears Clint crash into the door.

“Nat, I'm bored. Sam says he's busy and Tony is playing in his lab and he always talks too fast when he's working. Save meeeeeeee” Clint whines.

Natasha sighs, gets up, unlocks the door and lets Clint in. She looks him over. He looks better. Not gaunt like he did when he was doing whatever he had to do with his “Tracksuit Mafia”. She doubted everyone moving to the tower when Pepper first suggested it, but it seems she was right. They have all helped each other move on and heal.

Still, no one mentions the shield in the corner of Tony's workshop.

A few hours later, she puts down her book, Clint looks up from his coloring - “I swear, it's as good for you as meditation Nat, I read an article online!” - and they head down to the communal floor.

Tony is talking to Rhodey about updating the braces for his legs. She sees Maria chatting to Sharon Carter. She had no idea the two of them even knew the other existed much less were friends.

Maria sees the confusion on Natasha's face and explains “Sharon came to work with me at Stark Industries after things went sideways. I knew she was capable and competent and could keep Tony in his place so I suggested Pepper hire her. Thankfully Pepper knows I'm better with people than Tony is.”

“Hey! I resent that remark! I'll have you know, I fell in love with the best person, until she summarily dumped me and broke my heart, leaving me a hollow husk of a man” Tony says.

“Tony,” Pepper sighs, “you really aren't the best judge of character. But you got lucky when you hired me and I've made sure we don't hire anybody who may one day try to take over the world.”

“Sharon,” Sam interrupts the feuding, almost couple, “it's great to see you. I'm glad you landed on your feet after you risked so much for us. If Tony ever gets to be too much, please let me know. I would love to give him a smack. He's not my boss so he can't fire me.”

“Fellas, there will be plenty of time to smack each other during training sessions,” Natasha interjects. “Wanda said dinner at 7:00 and it is now 7:02 and I, for one, would like to eat whatever smells so good.”

Wanda heads over to the table, a large pot in her hands. “Dig in. This is a Sokovian recipe. I hope you all like it.”

They all thoroughly enjoy the meal, which is beef stew, Wanda calls it Pörkölt. She serves it with a crusty whole grain bread Sam has made. They leave one seat open, as they have since the beginning. No one remarks on it, Sharon looks at it for a moment then instantly realizes who it's for. She looks at Sam and he sadly smiles. Natasha tries for levity “what movie should we watch tonight? Wanda's choice since she cooked!”

The rest of the night passes in easy camaraderie everyone silently wishing Steve was there but no one remarking on it.

\------

#### Bucky

He's warm. He hears a faint beeping and the low murmur of voices. He opens his eyes and sees.

Sees the gun firing, sees Steve falling, sees his left arm not responding, that's right, it's not there anymore. Sees Tony running to Steve, his face changing from anger to horror. Sees Sam shouting for help, hears him shout “give us some room! We need to help Captain America, don't crowd us!” Sees the faceless man realize what he has done to Steve. What he has done to Captain America. Sees a bullet from a sniper take out the anonymous gunman. Frantically searches for where the shot originated. He runs, faster than he has ever run, knock-off superserum be damned. He finds the window with a piece of paper with a single word “Ross” grabs it and runs back down to Sam. Natasha is kneeling by Steve, her face ashen. Tears stream down Clint's face. He holds Wanda in his arms, trying his best to comfort her while he needs to be comforted so badly himself. He sees Vision disappear. 

He comes to, hearing a soothing voice telling him the year, his location, his name. 

He is James Buchanan Barnes, US Army Sergeant and he has no heart. He lost that the day Steve was buried. He wasn't even able to attend the funeral after the clusterfuck of the aftermath from the shooting. He did linger for a day after they proclaimed Steve dead. He made one trip. He used the least amount of words possible. He was reassured by the man himself, that one General Thaddeus Ross would be stepping down due to health reasons and would never be in the public eye again.

Ross had blanched when Bucky threatened his daughter. Bucky doesn't want to kill anybody but he lost his whole world thanks to this man. He feels it's only fair he return the favor if Ross doesn't step down. He also hacks into Ross's accounts and transfers 90% of his wealth to the Trevor Project. He thinks that's what would annoy Ross the most and make Steve happiest.

He finally looks at the woman speaking to him.

“Hello Sergeant Barnes, my name is Shuri, I am sister to T'Challa. Is there anything I can get you while we wait on my brother?”

“Bucky” he croaks. Takes a sip of the offered water and clears his throat. “My name is Bucky. And I am fine here. You don't need to worry about waiting with me if you have something else to do.” He looks at her delicate figure, becoming scared should something go wrong and he attack. He sees her smile.

“Do not worry, Bucky. I am much more capable of taking care of myself than I look,” she says, not unkindly.

“Whatever you say, ma'am,” Bucky replies, reverting back to the “aw shucks” demeanor of his youth.

Shuri looks, really looks at Bucky. “The only person to ever best me in combat was my brother T'Challa. I would not be here with you if I could not protect myself. I'm not here to placate you. I am the second strongest warrior in Wakanda as well as its top scientist. I do not say these things lightly. We would not risk the life of one of our citizens.”

Bucky lies back, his put on behavior evaporating. “Thank you for your honesty Shuri. Water is really all I need right now.” He closes his eyes again, still sleepy and drifts off while he waits for T'Challa.

“Bucky, it is good to see you awake,” T'Challa has entered the room and Bucky wakes with a start. “I am so sorry, I did not mean to startle you.” 

“It's fine,” Bucky mumbles. “I'm just not used to waking up from cryofreeze without being pumped full of stimulants.”

At T'Challa and Shuri's look, he assures them, “I'm fine now. It's in the past, it can't hurt me anymore. But if I'm awake, I'm assuming someone has figured out how to take the poison out of my brain.”

T'Challa nods “yes, Tony Stark has designed a device and our scientists have confirmed that it should work.” At Bucky's look he replies “yes, Tony is not here, does not want to be here but he wants to help you. He is realizing you were only a tool in his parents' death, not the person to blame for their deaths. But he still needs time. I have spoken to Natasha and she would like me to inform you, there is an apartment for you in New York, away from the Avengers Tower. In it are Steve's possessions and his accounts have been transferred to your name so, should you want to return, you will want for nothing. Should you not want that, I am more than happy to help you start a new life wherever you wish.”

Bucky isn't afraid to gawp a little at that. He would have never imagined forgiveness from Tony. Especially in such a relatively short period of time. He knows he has only been under for three months.

“I think I would like to think on that for a while, please.”

“Of course, Bucky. There is no rush to leave here. You will always be welcome here in Wakanda. Do you wish to start with the device today or would you like a night to really rest?” T'Challa asks gently.

“I think I would like to start now,” Bucky replies. He knows without a doubt if he has to spend the rest of the day and night alone he will shatter. 

“Very well, Shuri will show you the way and stay with you until you feel comfortable being on your own.”

“You mean, until I'm no longer a threat” Bucky says darkly.

“I mean this must be a big adjustment and you know only me and now Shuri. I was under the impression that you had no plans to hurt innocents.”

Bucky closes his eyes, feeling tears gather and nods. “That's fine. Thanks again.”

“I shall see you tomorrow Bucky. I am thankful you have allowed me to help you. I did not know Captain Rogers well but I know he thought highly of you and I respected his opinion. I am sorry for your loss. Again, anything I am able to give you, say the word and it shall be yours.”

Bucky does start to cry at that. Shuri steps out to tell T'Challa goodbye and give Bucky a moment to collect himself. She returns a few minutes later. He stands up, squares his shoulders and says “please, if you will, take me to where I need to be to get better.”

“Gladly” she replies.

\--

The less said about the neural reconstruction process, the better. It was long, it was hard, it was endured. He had been through more during the war and at the hands of Hydra but simultaneously having his brain rebuilt and mourning Steve was harder than he expected. The staff was nice and the room where the process took place and subsequent appointments with a therapist was more like a living room than a doctor's office. He appreciated T'Challa's kindness in the big and little things. He was constantly surprised at how thoughtful the king really was. Less than six months prior, the man had been trying to kill him and now he was providing top of the line care to make him safe to other people and to make him safe to himself. He wondered if he would ever be able to pay back all the people helping him. He told Steve he didn't think he was worth all the effort and he still feels that way. Intellectually he knew what he had done wasn't his fault but knowing it and feeling it wasn't his fault is a different issue.

He speaks to Shuri every day. Like T'Challa said in his recovery room, she is there until he feels comfortable. She is a pillar of strength during the days. The nights, when he is alone, he lets himself mourn. He promises his therapist, Ta-Nehisi, that he will not harm himself. It is a hard promise to keep but the man has a kind face and Bucky actually starts wanting his approval. He still sobs himself to sleep more nights than not. And he has not yet admitted his true relationship with Steve. He isn't ashamed but since Steve never told his teammates, he doesn't want to tell anyone. He keeps it inside, tending it like a delicate flower. Never touching it, looking at it from afar. He's not sure if that metaphor means the flower is not in bloom yet or has already bloomed but he has seen how quickly flowers die without proper care so he thinks it's probably an apt description of his heart now that Steve is gone.

He misses the physicality he had with Steve. Even when they were only friends, they would bunk together, throw an arm around the other's shoulders, then they admitted their feelings for each other and that opened a whole new world of touches. Gentle touches, kisses to anywhere they wanted, hands to hold when they were alone. It was never just the sex with Steve that felt so intimate. All of their many ways to be physically close led to such intimacy between the two men. Bucky doesn't think he will ever have that again. He knows he will live longer than the average man, thanks to Zola's meddling, but he doesn't think he will ever feel for another person what he felt for Steve. Ta-Nehisi would probably gently scold him for thinking that way because the ultimate goal is to have Bucky healthy, both mentally and physically but he doubts he will find someone who understands him as well as Steve did.

He lies down in his huge, empty bed and falls asleep, hoping for a dreamless sleep. He is plagued by nightmares of his torture of course, but what hurts the most is dreaming about the happy times with Steve now that he knows he will never have that again.

\-----

He reaches out, stretching for Bucky. Bucky falls.

It happens again, he reaches, Bucky falls.

And again, reaching, never good enough to save Bucky.

He reaches, Bucky falls.

He sobs.

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-Nehisi is actually an Egyptian name but the current author of Black Panther is Ta-Nehisi Coates and I wanted to honor him. Besides it means Nubia, and in a loose translation is "land of the black" which is pretty much a perfect meaning for a Wakandan citizen.
> 
> Shuri is really T'Challa's sister and fought him to be Black Panther but was ultimately defeated. She becomes queen for a while. She's a kick ass scientist in the previews so I wanted everybody to know she was smart and strong.
> 
> Pörkölt is Hungarian but since chicken paprakash is too, I took liberties and made it Sokovian since Joss already stole one recipe from them.
> 
> The author would like to point out, she loves comments and kudos. She loves them so much, she is willing to talk about herself in the third person, like an ass.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, James is coming to New York.
> 
> “FRIDAY, when and where will the jet from Wakanda land?” Natasha inquires.
> 
> “It should be arriving at JFK in approximately 4 hours, Agent Romanoff.”
> 
> “Thanks” Natasha replies. That gives her just enough time to check out the apartment, check for bugs, spies, nosy neighbors, the usual safety check she would run for any of her friends. She wonders if James remembers her. Remembers the tenderness he always showed her in the Red Room. The Avengers, and Zola, surprisingly, all thought she was born in the 80s. But in reality she is closer to Steve's age than Sam's age. She knows the others are all a little scared of her, an impression she doesn't try hard to rid herself of, but she doesn't want them to look at her differently when they learn how old and experienced she actually is. Besides, polite company knows to never ask a woman her age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted anything for a while, but my schedule has normalized so it's just my everyday life and I have more time to work on this.

#### Sam

If you had asked Sam, five years ago if he would ever trust anyone to watch his six as much as he trusted Riley, he would have said no. But then he met the Black Widow and Captain America. They took down the American arm of a global superbad. Then he spent a year with Steve Rogers, Captain fucking America looking for his brainwashed best friend. Sam felt a little smug that has finally moved past any lingering jealousy over being co-best friend to Steve. 

Then he met Iron Man, Iron Patriot, War Machine, let's call him what he is, America, Wanda, Hawkeye, Pepper, Thor, the Incredible Hulk, Maria Hill, he needs to follow up with her, she is smart, funny, kind, and beautiful, Ant-Man, man what a dumb name, T'Challa, a literal king and all around nice guy, Sharon Carter, it was weird watching her and Steve kiss, wasn't it, like neither of them really felt comfortable and he gave them a smile so they couldn't see how weird he felt. So needless to say, Sam Wilson has met a lot of extraordinary people in a few short years.

His team now was great; he could call himself an Avenger now, scrawny, knock-kneed 12 year old Sam from Baltimore could never even imagine how his life would change after joining the Air Force and losing one of the best people he had ever met. Because Riley was one of the best people. He was kind, generous, funny, salty as hell, and just great to be around. He wasn't surprised he fell for Riley so fast. So when Riley fell out of the sky, he didn't think he would ever hurt as much. But, surprise, you moron, Steve is gone and now you’ve lost two best friends, one whom you were in love with, in a decade.

However, he thinks, shaking his head, the new team is pretty amazing. He can finally call Tony Stark his friend, they have moved past their differences. Natasha is terrifying but he's on her side so he isn't quite as afraid of her as he was in the beginning. Clint is a mess of a man who hides his smarts behind a bumbling front. Thor and Bruce have been absent but he knows they will help if they are able to ever come back. He trusts Wanda as much as he trusted Riley and Steve. She really is a wonder. He thinks himself fortunate she has become a close friend. Rhodey is at the tower more nights than not and while he can't go on missions, he's always good to talk strategy with and is good with Tony in mission control. So while his life has had it ups and downs, things are pretty stable in his life.

Until, six months after Steve's funeral and he gets a call from T'Challa. He thinks it's going to be the normal update, Barnes is doing ok, still going to therapy, still crying at night when he thinks nobody can hear. Still gun shy about going out in the world on his own. 

“Hello, Sam. I am calling to inform you Bucky would like to move to his apartment in Brooklyn. He wanted me to confirm it was still an option.”

Sam gapes a little at the phone “hi, yeah, hi T'Challa. Sure he can come to his apartment. Thing are going well with Tony, he still doesn't want to see Barnes but he is still emphatic that the apartment is his.

“Does he,” Sam pauses, regroups, “does he want me or Nat to meet him anywhere, show him where is place is, pick up a few groceries?”

Sam hears quiet voices in the background. “He said he would like Natasha to pick him up if that's ok. He doesn't want to be a bother but he will need help finding the place and groceries would be appreciated.”

“I'll let her know. Thanks, man. Thanks for helping us all through this. I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't stepped up for all of us. If you ever need anything from any of us, just say the word and we will be there. And I would like to come visit if things ever calm down here.”

“Sam, I would love to have you here. Feel free to visit any time. I am more than happy to help. You do not need to thank me though. I am privileged to be the king of a prosperous country and I have many resources at my disposal. I would be a poor leader if I kept it all for myself.”

“Well, thanks anyway, man. And tell Ta-Nehisi I said hi. He really helped me while I was there.”

T'Challa chuckles, low, “he has also been helpful with Bucky. He speaks highly of you both. I know he will be happy to hear you are still thriving.”

They say their goodbyes and Sam thinks about what he just learned. Barnes, coming to New York. Seeing Nat. Sharing a therapist with Barnes. He wonders if they had similar problems or if Ta-Nehisi was just better with foreigners. 

**[Sam]** T'Challa called, Barnes is ready to come to Brooklyn. He has requested you for a guide and help with groceries.

 **[unknown number]** I'll have FRIDAY alert me when they land and I'll take him to his home.

\-----

#### Natasha

So, James is coming to New York.

“FRIDAY, when and where will the jet from Wakanda land?” Natasha inquires.

“It should be arriving at JFK in approximately 4 hours, Agent Romanoff.”

“Thanks” Natasha replies. That gives her just enough time to check out the apartment, check for bugs, spies, nosy neighbors, the usual safety check she would run for any of her friends. She wonders if James remembers her. Remembers the tenderness he always showed her in the Red Room. The Avengers, and Zola, surprisingly, all thought she was born in the 80s. But in reality she is closer to Steve's age than Sam's age. She knows the others are all a little scared of her, an impression she doesn't try hard to rid herself of, but she doesn't want them to look at her differently when they learn how old and experienced she actually is. Besides, polite company knows to never ask a woman her age.

\-----

#### Bucky

“Fuck. Natalia, what the fuck was Stark thinking? He hates me? Why would he buy me this place?”

Bucky looks around at his new apartment, in his new building. Natalia informed him he owned the whole place but only the top floor was kitted out for him. It is massive. An open layout, penthouse in Red Hook. Exposed brick walls, huge segmented windows every few feet. A crisp white kitchen is in the right back corner with an island. A farmhouse table with benches under it sits in the front right corner. Big comfy couches in the middle, a huge television with more bells and whistles than he could ever have imagined. To the left is a home gym area with free weights, kettle bells, a bench that had weights stacked around it, a top of the line treadmill, rings hanging on ropes from the ceiling, and a pommel horse. There is a door that leads to the bedroom. He looks inside and sees a king sized bed on a platform with rich navy bedding, lamps on bedside tables sit on either side. A dark wood dresser and a closet full of clothes in his size. He ventures back out to the main room and goes through the second door where he sees a bathroom that would feel at home in a spa. A bathtub that would fit him and half the Avengers comfortably, a shower that has about eight different shower heads and a tile bench. Five different kinds of shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotions and bubble baths are under the double sink. He walks back out to the main room. Inhales, exhales. Inhales again. Sees a note that says “don't worry the windows are bulletproof. I tried them out myself, TS.”

Bucky looks sharply at Natalia, “does he know Steve and I grew up in Red Hook? Is he doing it to be kind or to torment me? I don't understand anything about any of this.” He waves his arms, yes two arms, he got a new one in Wakanda. It's lighter, quieter, has a cloaking device so it looks real, and is more than he could have ever dreamed up. He had a star painted on the shoulder but not a red one. No, a white star, surrounded by a navy circle edged with a thin red circle. It was as much of a declaration of love as he could manage at the moment. It was also a huge fuck you to Hydra, the Soviets, Department X, hell, anybody who had fucked up his mind in the last 70 years. 

Natalia purses her lips. She thinks. “Tony, has a way of going overboard” she starts. “He doesn't always understand that money doesn't fix everything. Plus, he doesn't hate you, James. He brags about the progress he is making with his therapist at every team meal.

“I honestly think he hoped the area would be a comfort to you, would feel more like home than Manhattan or one of the other boroughs.”

“But T'Challa said he's had this set up since before I woke up. I just” his voice breaks. “I just don't understand any of this.”

They go to sit on one of the couches. They are as comfortable as they look. “Steve's death took a toll on us all, made us realize that even the most durable of us still can be taken away. He suspects your true relationship with Steve as well.”

Bucky stands up, walks away quickly, like he's been burned. “Natalia,” he says his Russian accent coming out, “what the hell do you mean my _true_ relationship?”

Natalia looks at him. Watches as he paces the floor. Says quietly “I know, James. I remember you from the Red Room. I saw how you looked at Steve when we were all together. I've seen love on your face before. You may not have been in love with me but I still recognize when you love some one.”

“I wasn't sure you remembered me,” Bucky answers. “I remember everything. I remember all the good times and all the bad times. The love and the torture. I remember you. You were one of the bright spots in all of the years when I was owned by the Russians.”

“Just one?” she says, getting up and heading towards him.

“Maybe the only one,” He says as he watches her walk slowly towards him. Assessing her threat level.

She telegraphs her moves. A hug. She wants a hug. From him. He supposes he could try. 

They hug, basking in each others warmth. Two broken people who are rarely touched, providing comfort for each other.

The mood is broken when Natalia's phone buzzes. They pull apart.

 **[Tony]** Is he there? Does he like it? I didn't know what half cyborgs like so I had to guess. My guess was black clothes and workout gear. Am I right? 

**[unknown number]** He is a little overwhelmed to be honest. He went from thinking he had nothing to having all of this.

 **[Tony]** Let him know all of Steve's things are in the floor below him. I wanted him to be able to make the choice of how much to have in his apartment.

 **[Tony]** Also let him know there's a Stark-phone and Stark-pad in the bedside table. He doesn't have to use them but if he wanted to, you could teach him how you do the quite frankly, infuriating thing of never having the same number and disabling FRIDAY on all your devices.

 **[unknown number]** Stark, I'm never going to tell you how I do either of those things. And if you think Bucky can't outsmart your tech, you haven't been paying attention to history. Or me.

 **[Tony]** Fine. But I still get to tell Amala that I did the right thing and tried to do something selfless.

 **[unknown number]** Yes, Tony, you did good. A little overboard, maybe, but you did a very good thing.

 **[Tony]** You called me Tony!! I'm definitely telling Amala that I got your approval!

 **[unknown number]** Relax, Stark. I've got to go back to James. I'll see you at the tower.

“That was our overexcited puppy, Stark, checking in on how you like everything,” Natalia says. 

“Everything is fine, just unexpected.”

“That's what I told him,” replies Natalia. “Now, what are your thoughts on pizza? It's been a long day for both of us and I'm hungry. You have all the basics in the kitchen but I don't feel like cooking. Shall we order something? There's a hipster deli that delivers or a relatively new pizza joint a couple of blocks away. We can place an order and I can pick it up.”

“Pizza sounds good. I don't think I've had pizza since 1942.”

Natalia laughs, a real laugh. Bucky has made her do that. He didn't think he could make anyone laugh any more. He feels the start of a smile on his face. Against all odds, things are better. He doesn't have Steve but he might have a friend again. All he could do was hope.

\--

The night was harder. His bed was so soft. He had grown accustomed to nice beds in Wakanda but it still was a surprise that it was so luxurious here in New York. He wonders if he will be able to sleep in this new apartment, in the place where he most longed to be. He wonders if Steve would have liked the apartment. He wonders if he will have nightmares or if insomnia will be his curse this time. 

He is sated from dinner. Pizza was as good as he remembered. He even enjoyed spending time with Natalia. He hopes tomorrow will be more like today was and less like the last six months. He was treated very well in Wakanda but it was still obvious it wasn't his home. He never felt unwelcome but he never felt truly calm. He is grateful to T'Challa, Shuri, Ta-Nehisi. He feels like he could count them all as friends. He doubts himself for a moment, who would want to be friends with a killer. He remembers all the people he killed in the war, in service for his country. How right it felt at the time. How wrong the memory of it feels. How wrong it all feels. He wonders if he will ever feel clean again or if he will carry the blood on his hands like Lady Macbeth. 

He remembers what Ta-Nehisi told him. “Clear your mind, clear your lungs, clear your soul.” He exhales and works on clearing his mind. He is quiet for a handful of minutes. He settles deeper into the pillows, into the duvet.

He thinks about Steve. He sheds a tear. He rolls over and is asleep in the next breath. His sleep is calm and restful.

\-----

He remembers the winter of '38 when he got pneumonia and his Ma called the priest for last rites. He remembers Bucky shouting at the priest, yelling “he WILL get better! No one needs you here!” And his Ma crying softly, “Bucky, I know you think he will get better but I've never seen Steve this sick before. I'm so afraid. I'm sorry but you need to let Father O'Reilly through.”

He remembers hearing Bucky and Ma crying in the hall while he is anointed with oil. The priest intones, _“per istam sanctan unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per visum._

_“Per istam sanctan unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per audtiotum._

_“Per istam sanctan unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per gustum et locutiónem._

_“Per istam sanctan unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per tactum._

_“Per istam sanctan unctionem et suam piissimam misericordiam, indulgeat tibi Dominus quidquid per deliquisti.”_

Steve feels oddly comforted by the words. Hopes he will go to Heaven if he has to leave Bucky and Ma.

He remembers waking up after his fever broke two days later. He remembers being told that his heart would probably never be the same. That he would have to remember he was different than all the other boys. He might never reach his full height.

He remembers how scary being different felt.

He remembers Bucky throwing his arm over his shoulder.

He remembers Bucky.

He no longer remembers.

Bucky, he thinks suddenly. His name was Bucky. How could I forget that? Why would I lose the memory of my best friend? The love of my life.

With the memory of Bucky comes the memory of losing Bucky. The fall from the train. He's not sure if not remembering Bucky or only remembering the moment he lost Bucky is worse. The memory repeats.

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The apartment I describe is pretty much what Bucky's apartment looks like in the comics when he's Cap. Also, I don't live in Brooklyn, haven't been to anywhere but upstate New York since I was 18 but I looked into Red Hook. You can pretty much only drive there from Manhattan. And as Tony eventually explains, it was gentrified but apparently it didn't take. And all these empty buildings had really high listing prices that then were slashed but people still couldn't afford the prices. 
> 
> Bucky's arm is exactly as it is in the comic.
> 
> I'm a super lapsed Catholic but those are supposed to be the Last Rites in Latin. I know Steve would have attended Mass in Latin while growing up so I had to Google the whole thing. Thanks internet! But they translate as:
> 
> "Through this Holy Unction or oil, and through the great goodness of His mercy, may God pardon thee whatever sins thou hast committed by evil use of sight (sight, hearing, smell, taste and speech, touch, ability to walk)."
> 
> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha looks at the women she's with. She is constantly surprised at how far they have all come in six months. In the beginning, Wanda couldn't say Steve's name without breaking out in tears. Pepper was constantly mad at Tony. She barely knew Maria and had only seen Sharon in passing. Now she was surrounded by strong, capable women who all wanted the same thing: to help heal themselves and the Avengers, both active members and the support staff who, for one reason or another, couldn't physically be in the fight. They had done well. Tony was in therapy, dealing with his demons, Clint was in the hospital a little less, Rhodey had officially moved into the tower, Sam was his usual unflappable self, but didn't seem as sad. Natasha feels proud, feels like she has accomplished something monumental.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I've had about half a bottle of wine and I'm feeling great and doubled my kudos with my new chapter and I'm addicted to random internet people praise! So have another chapter!
> 
> Once again, recommended (but not required) reading is Matt Fraction and David Aja's version of Hawkeye. So great. I coplayed as Hawkguy for Boston Comic Con because I love the comic so much. It's not a new thing to love that version, but Dog Cops, Lucky, "aw, coffee, no", "ok, this looks bad" are all references. It's great and Fraction is married to an equally kick-ass comic writer, KellySue Deconnick who wrote some of the best Captain Marvel runs and Bitch Planet and Pretty Deadly. She's deifintely a recommend for anyone looking for a good feminist comic.

Chapter 5

#### Natasha

Natasha was running late. Natasha was never running late. She was very prompt, very punctual. It was one of her more endearing traits in her mind. She liked to be mysterious but she also liked to be reliable. She rushed into the restaurant that used to be the bistro she and Pepper frequented. But even the CEO of Stark Industries and the Black Widow's patronage couldn't keep it open. The new place was fine. It was some sort of Asian fusion spot. Natasha was pretty sure it was run by a couple of white guys. She had thought about suggesting somewhere else to meet but didn't want to have to look for a place that was close by and secure the new location. Besides it could always go the way of the pretentious bistro they had secretly liked and close. Maybe the next restaurant would be something Middle Eastern. Stark loves shawarma and she was pretty sure if anybody could keep a shawarma joint in business, it was Tony Stark.

She reached the restaurant, Asiana Fusion, seriously, this place needed to be replaced asap, and saw Pepper, Maria, and Wanda waiting for her. They had ordered tea for everyone and now that Natasha had arrived, they were only waiting on Sharon. Sharon was great, how could she not be, her great-aunt was Peggy Carter, but she was never on time. Sometimes Natasha thought that was her only flaw. Well, that and kissing Steve in Leipzig. She and Sam had talked. It was weird.

She sat down, put one teaspoon of sugar in her green tea waited a minute and sipped it. The only good thing about the restaurant was the fact that they used loose leaf green tea instead of bagged. They also brewed it the proper way with a kettle and a tea ball. 

“Our food will be out about the same time Sharon gets here,” Pepper announces. “She texted me to let me know she was only ten minutes late today.” They all smile.

“How are you, Natasha?” Maria asks. Since Maria doesn't live at the tower, or visit often, she said working at Stark Industries was enough exposure to Tony thank you very much, she didn't need to visit him at home, she saw the other women the least. 

“I'm fine. Glad to see you. Glad things have settled down more. Thinking about getting a cat now that I live at the tower. When I had my own apartment I didn't know how I would feed one since I'm gone so much. But if I'm at the tower...”

“I can help out!” Pepper finished. She was Natasha's number one cheerleader when it came to getting a pet. Pepper had a gerbil. It might seem juvenile, but it made her feel less alone. She could hear Rosie running on her wheel and feeding her everyday grounded Pepper.

Sharon and the food arrive almost at the same time.

“Sorry I'm late, thanks for ordering everything” Sharon says.

They all got their favorite dish, made sure everybody had enough tea and started to eat.

“Natasha, Sam tells me you helped Bucky move into his apartment. How did he look?” Wanda asks. “I haven't heard from him since the funeral.”

“James seemed fine. Not happy but not homicidal or suicidal. I think he was shocked when he saw his apartment.”

“I tried to tell Tony it was too much, but he didn't listen,” Pepper adds. “It was only a month after the funeral, I think he used it as a coping mechanism for a while. As long as he was buying things and designing the interior of the apartment, he didn't have to think about Steve's death and how betrayed he felt.”

“That makes sense,” Maria says. “He would randomly show up at SI, like a whirlwind and fix everything. Like, literally everything. One man had a printer that wouldn't work and Tony fixed it, upgraded it and now it talks. Henry swears it's possessed but deep down, I think he finds it funny.”

“He's still sober. Six months and no one has seen or smelled any alcohol on him,” Wanda says quietly. “He still looks sad but he's trying so hard.”

“I think Pepper has a lot to do with that,” teases Natasha.

“I think Amala has a lot to do with that,” counters Pepper, eyebrow raised.

“Either way, he seems a lot more stable than he did three months ago when Bucky woke up,” says Sharon. “He still visits the office but he no longer is as manic when he's there. He is more focused and less self centered.”

“So we got Tony and James out of the way. Who do we need to analyze next,” asks Natasha.

“Sam is doing well,” Wanda says she looks at Maria. The other women catch the look and start asking questions at the same time.

“Spill, Hill,” says Natasha.

“You and Sam?” asks Sharon.

“Oh, you two would be so wonderful together!” exclaims Pepper. “Sam is a gem and you're one of the most wonderful people I have ever met.”

“Relax everybody. He wants to ask me out, I think,” says Maria while Wanda nods. “But so far he hasn't done anything. I'm not willing to wait forever but I also have no problem asking him out. So I'll give him a couple of weeks to get his shit together and if he's not ready, I'll sweep him off his feet and take him on a romantic date.”

“Hear hear,” Pepper almost shouts. “Who cares about gender stereotypes!”

They all laugh. But they all agree. They are all women, surrounded by men in their fields. Sharon and Maria are the only women in SI's security department. Natasha knows women only make up 6% of CEO's so Pepper is definitely in the minority. Natasha feels lucky that as a spy, she gets to be whomever she wants. But she still knows she's outnumbered two to one. She makes it work because if people don't think women are involved in espionage, they are less likely to guess her hidden agenda.

“Clint fell off a building again,” Natasha announces to the groans of the other women. “Fortunately it was only two stories high.”

“That poor man is a walking disaster, isn't he?” Sharon says with a frown.

“He would like everyone to think so,” Natasha replies. “He only has a sprained wrist and ankle this time. So he should be back to normal in a week or so. He is requesting peanut butter cookies as his dog cannot eat chocolate and whatever Clint eats, Lucky eats.”

They all smile. Pepper picks up her phone, quickly places an order for two dozen peanut butter cookies from her favorite bakery and says “done! Clint and Lucky should be getting something sweet tomorrow.”

“Pepper you are a saint but you also spoil that man. How will he ever learn not to fall off buildings if he is rewarded with cookies every time it happens?” Natasha says with laughter in her voice.

They all laugh. Natasha looks at the women she's with. She is constantly surprised at how far they have all come in six months. In the beginning, Wanda couldn't say Steve's name without breaking out in tears. Pepper was constantly mad at Tony. She barely knew Maria and had only seen Sharon in passing. Now she was surrounded by strong, capable women who all wanted the same thing: to help heal themselves and the Avengers, both active members and the support staff who, for one reason or another, couldn't physically be in the fight. They had done well. Tony was in therapy, dealing with his demons, Clint was in the hospital a little less, Rhodey had officially moved into the tower, Sam was his usual unflappable self, but didn't seem as sad. Natasha feels proud, feels like she has accomplished something monumental.

“So, what are we going to do about James?” she asks. “He and Tony will have to interact one day. Tony can't leave everything to me and Sam.”

No one answers.

“Let's think on it and bring our best ideas to the table next week,” says Maria, who is the most pragmatic of the group.

“That's a good idea,” says Sharon as she gets up.

“Until next week?” Natasha asks.

“Until next week,” they all answer.

#### Tony

“Boss,” FRIDAY says, “Dr. Nadar is waiting for you in the meeting room.

“Thanks FRIDAY, please let her know I'm headed that way now.” Tony looks around his workshop, checks to makes sure his hands aren't covered in grease or goo, thinks and asks, “Hey, FRIDAY, do I have anything on my face?”

“No, Boss, you look fine,” the AI responds.

\--

“Tony, you're looking well and rested,” Amala tells him after they have greeted each other and taken their seats. “I take it the breathing exercises have helped.”

“Yeah, doc, I can get my mind running at about half the speed now when I'm trying to go to sleep. I still toss and turn for a couple of hours but I get sleep every night instead of missing a few nights a week. My appetite is a little better and Pepper and I meet up at the gym every other day to work out together.”

“That's wonderful, Tony! I'm glad that you are taking better care of yourself and that you have a regular activity with Pepper. Having that time together, in a no stress environment is so important to help heal your relationship.”

Tony laughs, “You say no stress environment, Amala, but Pepper and I are both really competitive. And without my suit, I'm only as strong as a 40 something man. I can out lift her but she can out run me any day of the week. Natasha keeps trying to get us how to spar but Pepper keeps turning her down.”

“I think that is wise of Pepper, Tony. You're both still very emotionally fragile and though sparring is not actual combat, it could be easy to forget in the heat of the moment and wreck everything you have both worked so hard on,” Amala replies.

“Barnes moved back into his apartment in Brooklyn last week,” Tony blurts out.

“Do you know what his reaction was? Or was it easier to not know?” Amala asks.

“I texted Natasha, he wanted her to pick him up and take him out there. She said he liked it but was a little overwhelmed by everything.”

“Why do you think he would feel overwhelmed?”

Tony thinks, “I bought a place in Red Hook and furnished it for him. I might have gotten a little obsessed with the remodel. But I knew that area of Brooklyn was where he and Steve grew up. I know none of Brooklyn would be the same but that's true for all of New York. I had hoped it might give him some good, new memories of the place he and Steve had together. I think they were more than just friends. Before Steve and Barnes were fighting me in Siberia, Steve kept touching Barnes. Little touches, the kind you would give your significant other. A lingering touch on the back of the neck, tucking stray hairs behind his ear, things that were almost a caress but pulled back a little. And I read into their years of service during the war. I _may_ have had FRIDAY check out all the info the Smithsonian had on them, both public knowledge and things they kept out of the big propaganda machine they dedicated to Captain America. They completely erased Steve Rogers!”

“Tony,” Amala says gently.

“Yeah, you're right.” Tony takes a couple of grounding breaths. “I shouldn't have pried but I needed to understand how and why things went to shit so fast.”

“I understand, Tony. And you have made great strides in not feeling the need to pry into everyone's lives. I understand why you did what you did, but it is still something you need to work on. However it's in the past and one of the things we are trying to do together is help you not obsess over the past as much. Just remember, in the future, to ask yourself if the information you are seeking is something you yourself would be comfortable sharing with outsiders, without your knowledge.

“I do think it is important that you are clearly making the distinction between Captain America and Captain Rogers. I would imagine few people take the time to do so.”

Tony sighs, “I wish I had done it sooner. Maybe things would have turned out differently.”

Amala says quietly,“while I understand your regret, it is not wise to lose your life to regret. You can't change the past, only learn from it, which I think you are doing now. But I know this is a lot to process. Anything else about your relationship with Captain Rogers and subsequently Sergeant Barnes?”

“I'm pretty sure they were in love with each other,” Tony says. “Huh, that's the first time I've said it out loud. Like I said, the way they acted with each other was so different from the way Steve treated me. I kept thinking about it and it started to remind me of how Pepper and I were. The rejection I felt when Steve picked Barnes over me is still there but if they were in love, I understand it better. I would fight with my life for Pepper, no matter what she had done in the past, so I understand why Steve would fight so hard for Barnes, if they were in love.”

“Do you think you're the only one who knows that?” Amala asks gently. “I know it seems a prying question and you don't have to answer if you feel uncomfortable with the question, but knowing there is someone who you can talk with about the matter could help you.”

“I'm pretty sure Nat knows. She's squirrelly as hell but the way she flipped sides and now she's volunteering to spend time with Barnes, makes me think she knows more than she is willing to admit. I'm not sure if I want to talk to her about it or not.”

“Either choice is a valid decision, Tony. We are speaking about the private lives of other people without their consent. It's not something I try to do but in this case, it's helping with your recovery and understand the events of your life leading up to the death of Captain Rogers, so I'm willing to adapt.”

They finish up Tony's appointment working on perfecting the techniques Amala hopes will help Tony calm his mind. Tony stays still for longer than he has before. Unloading his thoughts about Steve and Barnes has helped. He is happy he finally gave into the demands that he start therapy. 

\--

Pepper is waiting in the workshop when Tony goes back. 

“Tony,” she says with a smile.

“Pepper,” he responds.

She reaches for him. It feels like coming home. He buries his face in his shoulder, tears starting to gather in his eyes.

“Pep, I've missed this so fucking much. I'm sorry I'm such a fuckup.”

Pepper shushes him gently. “Shhhh, Tony, it's ok. We both had a lot of things we needed to work out. There's no use assigning blame now. You may be sorry for your behavior but I'm sorry I didn't address it before I let it become too much and left. I've missed you so much.

“But we are both doing the mature thing and trying to do better for ourselves and each other.”

“Steve was sad we split,” Tony adds. “I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I want you to know that the hope of a second chance with you would have made him happy.”

Pepper smiles. “I think we have moved past the hope of reconciliation and moved into reconciling.”

Tony pulls away, a huge grin on his face. “FRIDAY, take note of this date! We are moving forward! Tony Stark has changed! I'm a new man! I'm going to crush this new relationship with you Pepper!” He giggles a little.

“I don't think you're as different as you think you are, Tony” Pepper says with a matching grin. “However I think we are both in a place where we can take care of each other's feelings.”

“Does that mean I can kiss you? And” Tony waggles his eyebrows, “ya know!?!”

Pepper laughs at that. “I think we should take things a little slow. Kissing yes, other things, let's make sure we're on the same page.”

“I can do that! I can give you all my kisses! I have dreamed about kissing you for months!”

They embrace again and trade soft kisses. FRIDAY plays Enya and kills the mood.

\--

**[Tony]** PEPPER AND I GOT BACK TOGETHER

**[Sam]** Ok, Thor, knock off the all caps. But congrats, both of you seem happier with the other than without.

**[Clint]** yayayayayayayayayay

**[Clint]** does that mean youre going to finally get some

**[unknown number]** Clint, don't be rude. That's between Stark and Pepper. But good job you two!

**[Clint]** nat, i know but they are the only ones who have any potential. i have to live vicariously through somebody

**[Pepper]** We are taking things slow, Clint. But I'm glad you are excited for us. Sam and Natasha, thanks.

**[Rhodey]** I'm glad Tony got his head out of his ass, Pep. He's been miserable to be around lately. I wish you the both best.

**[Wanda]** You are both beautiful people. I'm glad that your sorrow has lessened and you have found each other again. You both deserve so much love.

**[Pepper]** Rhodey and Wanda! I'm about to cry and I have to go to a board meeting in 10 minutes! If my mascara runs, I'm blaming both of you!

**[Maria]** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**[Sharon]** Well, all the good things have already been said, but I am happy for you both.

**[Pepper]** Thanks everyone. You are all very kind. I'm very happy with how everything has worked out.

**[Tony]** Seriously, thanks everybody. It's nice seeing everyone be excited for us. Because I'm over the moon! Sparkling juice for me and champagne for everybody else tonight. And I'll order a feast. Text me your favorite meal at your favorite restaurant and I'll order it. Everyone feasts tonight!

**[Tony]** Pepper, thanks for giving me another chance.

\-----

#### Sam

Sam drives out to Bucky's about month after he had moved in.

“Man, do you know how terrible it is to get out here? I had to drive! I hate driving!”

Bucky smiles and says “you could have flown.”

“And let all of Brooklyn know the best Avenger was here? No thank you!”

Bucky smiles a little bigger. “You know, I thought you hated me. And I'm pretty sure Natalia is the best Avenger.”

“Ok, I'll give you Nat. And I just thought you were an annoying little shit. But I'm happy to be friends with Cap's sidekick.”

“Hey, if anybody was his sidekick, it was you, bird boy!”

“Ok, one, Tony calls me bird boy, if you want to go there, I will start making fun of you for being like Tony. Two, are we really joking about Steve? I know it's been seven months, but damn, we are showing what a butt load of therapy will do for somebody!”

“Yeah, I guess we are joking about Steve.”

“I'm glad. I think he would like it,” Sam says with a soft smile.

“I think he would be glad we were friends,” replies Bucky.

“So, how are you settling in, found any good places to eat?” 

“A couple. But I haven't been able to find a good deli. They used to be on every corner. Now they're bullshit, kale meat served on kale bread. Kale is evil. I just want a fucking hot pastrami on rye. I don't think that's asking too much!” exclaims Bucky.

“Wow, way to be an old grandpa yelling at the kids to get off his lawn, and remind everybody that things were better when you were young, except for the fact that you had to walk to school, uphill both ways in the snow,” replies Sam.

“Ya know, we didn't have shoes in the snow when we walked uphill both ways. We had to wear boxes on our feet.”

“Did you just one up my mocking of you? I think you did! You _are_ a little shit, Bucky!”

Bucky is quiet for a moment. It stretches into almost awkward territory.

“What's wrong?” asks Sam.

“You called me Bucky instead of Barnes. I like it. I spent so many years not being Bucky. I'm glad to try and be him again.”

“Are you trying to kill the mood? Because you are _this_ close to succeeding. Let's find a pizza joint, drink way too much beer and figure out what sports we both like and be manly or something.”

“Sounds great,” Bucky says. “I have to warn you though, Steve was always more interested in sports than I was. I was a Dodgers fan but since they moved across the country, I don't really care about baseball. But I'll try to do manly things. Maybe we can burp at each other.”

Sam laughs, “sure, we can burp at each other. That sounds sufficiently gross enough to stop thinking about sad things. Let's go do that, lead the way.”

\--

The next day Sam tries to think of a reason to go to Stark Industries.

**[Sam]** Hey, Pepper, is there anything I can help out with at SI? 

**[Pepper]** Do you mean in our security department, specifically with the smart and beautiful department head?

**[Sam]** ummmmmmm, maybe?

**[Pepper]** You can visit any time. But you will have to come up with your own reason to visit Maria. I'm willing to get you into the building but after that, you're on your own.

**[Pepper]** Her lunch break is in an hour. 

**[Sam]** An excuse to be in the building is better than nothing. And thanks for the time line. I'll be there in half an hour.

He runs into Wanda on his way out.

“You are looking nice today, Sam. Going anywhere special? Visiting anybody special, perhaps someone who has lunch in a little bit?” Wanda inquires.

“Does everybody know about this? Never mind, don't answer. I honestly don't want to know. But yes, I am going to visit Pepper with the hope that I might be able to make plans with a woman who could probably kick my ass. And you know me better than to think that would scare me.”

Wanda pulls Sam into a hug, gives him a soft kiss on his cheek and with a soft “good luck, Sam, I think things will go well for you,” sends him on his way.

\--

“Sam Wilson, just the man I had hoped to see,” proclaims Maria. “What are your opinions on Mexican food? Too heavy for a pre-make-out meal? I'm afraid Italian will have too much garlic. Sushi is an option but I have more fun drinking margaritas than I do sake.”

Sam stares at her, dumbfounded.

“Ok, Mexican it is. Dos Caminos on 3rd at 7:00? That's enough time to eat, get a little giggly, go back to your place for a nightcap and still get home early enough so I'm not a zombie. Glad you agree. See you there!” Maria turns around, smirking.

Sam mutters to himself, “what the hell just happened?”

He heads back to the tower. Rhodey greets him when he reaches the common floor. “What happened, Sam. You look confused.”

“I went to SI to see Maria,” he starts. Sam sits on a couch. Stands up. Sits back down. “Things did not go the way I thought they would. I'm pretty sure they went better.”

“Say no more,” says Rhodey. “I better be in the wedding party, and I better be in front of Tony. He'll be insufferable if he walks out first. Take care.”

\-----

He sees Bucky in a black mask. He hears him as “who the hell is Bucky?” He is frozen to the spot. He found his best friend, his love, and he has been forgotten.

He is on the helicarrier, feels the punches land, feels the bullets pierce him. Sees Bucky's face filled with fear and confusion. 

He say's “you're my friend” hears “you're my mission.” Reassures Bucky that he will be with him no matter what, to the end of the line.

He falls. He wonders if this is how Bucky felt when he fell so many years ago.

He hits the water, knowing this is twice he has lost Bucky. He hopes unlike his descent on the Valkyrie, this won't be his end. 

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Asian Fusion place “Asiana Fusion” is a real name of a place outside of Boston, about 30 miles from where I live. I was looking for a dumb name. I've never been there and I have no idea if the food is good or bad but the name amused me because it's just an a at the end of Asian. It's like it took no imagination at all.
> 
> Like Natasha and Rupert Giles, I am a bit of a tea snob. I'm American but I'll admit "real" tea tastes so much better than bagged, mass produced tea. Lucky Seven by BetteNoir(WeAreWolves) turned me on to Harney and Sons and I'm never looking back!
> 
> I have a gerbil named Hawkeye because we are unsure of gender and Clint Barton and Kate Bishop are both Hawkeye. But obviously Pepper wouldn't name her gerbil Hawkeye so hers is named after our grumpy, old lady cat, Rosie.
> 
> The stats about women CEO's are real. It's crap.
> 
> I've been in therapy on and off since I was 20 and so Tony's therapy is based on what I experienced. Obviously everyone has their own experiences but I LOVE therapy. I had the hardest time working on the scene with Tony and Amala and making it feel real but also advancing the plot. Hope it works!
> 
> The restaurant Maria suggests is real. Yelp said it was “hip” and it only had two $$ for cost so I thought it would be good for a first date.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''Welcome, Sergeant Barnes, Agent Barton. May I take you to the common floor?”
> 
> “Please, FRIDAY. And how are you doing this fine evening?” Clint asks.
> 
> “Very well, Agent Barton. Do you have any requests for me tonight?”
> 
> “Nah, just let everybody know we are on our way up. Thanks, beautiful.”
> 
> The arrive on the common floor. Bucky is sweating. Clint leans over, pulls him into a half hug. “Hey, you know everybody agreed to have you here. There is no one here who hates you, no one here who wishes you harm. Tony has worked through his problems. You don't have to be nervous or afraid. You are welcome here. You belong with us. We're your friends.”
> 
> Bucky sniffs at that, embraces Clint back, squares his shoulders and they walk out of the elevator.

#### Bucky

Two months after Bucky had moved into his apartment, his penthouse really, he gets a text.

**[Wanda]** We are having team night tomorrow. Sam is cooking dinner, Maria is making dessert, she said to tell you it's a Bake-Off recipe. Please come. Tony has alerted FRIDAY to admit you at 7:00. 

He looks at his phone in shock. Sure, Wanda, Sam, Natalia, had visited him. Clint dropped by every other day when they realized they both lived in Brooklyn and had a deep, abiding love for cheesy 70s Prog Rock. Sam and Maria dropped by one afternoon and they made sandwiches and Maria turned him on to the best thing known to man, The Great British Bake-Off. He had mentioned to the couple that he was looking for new recipes to try. He still has therapy sessions with Ta-Nehisi, over video chat, and he had suggested Bucky find something new to do. Something to engage his mind. Cooking sounded good because it was practical and he got results right away. To his surprise, he was more successful in his endeavors than not. Sam promised to share a few of his favorite recipes.

But Bake-Off was great. He didn't even care it was called “Baking Show” because of a stupid trademark in the US, he had a thumb drive with all the seasons that Maria had procured, somehow. He wasn't going to ask. But she was right when she said it might be something he would enjoy. It was calming to watch. One of the things he hated so much about the 21st century was the level of meanness in reality television. He had done so many terrible things in his lifetime, he didn't need to watch people insulting each other and being nasty. Sam had some choice words along the lines of “man, you and Steve were a pair of old men, weren't you? He told me once 'Sam, people were awful to each other in the past too and I didn't like it then and I don't like it now. I was taught if you can't say anything nice, keep your damn mouth shut. Don't put it on TV for others to gawk at.' It's like Steve wouldn't know fun if it threw its drink at him.”

Bake-Off had none of the pettiness other competition shows had. It was soothing. The colors in the tent were soothing. The music was soothing. The contestants were lovely and seemed to really get along even if they were technically competing against each other. It also inspired him to look into making some complicated desserts and breads.

But even with all the visits and beginnings of friendships and acceptance from Steve's team, he never imagined he would be getting an invite to the tower on team night with Tony's blessing.

The next day he nervously changes his clothes five times. He finally decides on a pair of dark skinny jeans and a light blue t-shirt. Both pieces are soft and he feels comfortable in them. He hears a knock on his door. He opens it and sees Clint. 

“Let's go man. Nat sent me to make sure you didn't freak out on the way. We had a group talk last week and all agreed you should come this week. No one was upset about the idea. In fact most of the group was excited about it. So, let's jet man.”

Bucky looks at him. Gets his shoes on and they leave.

“Wanda said Tony alerted FRIDAY, what does that mean?” Bucky asks.

“Oh man, FRIDAY is the best. She's an AI that runs the building and takes no shit. I swear if she were a person I would propose .”

Used to Clint's unusual crushes: “Barbra fucking Walters man. She plays it straight in her interviews but I just know she would be crazy at home. I would love take her out. Paint the town red” and “Margaret Thatcher. So strict. I would be her good boy any day.” So a crush on an artificial intelligence wasn't the craziest thing Clint had admitted to Bucky. But it was still weird to think about a machine running a building.

“So, she is always there, listening and watching?” Bucky asks and shudders. “No one is ever alone?”

“Nah, you can opt out of it in your personal quarters. Nat has disabled everything on her whole floor and all her devices. But FRIDAY is always available in the common areas. She will read you a book and order a pizza at the same time It's the best!”

Clint and Bucky pile into an old purple Volkswagen Beetle. Clint says some one named “Katie Kate” loaned it to him and they can't eat in it or wreck it. He explains “she's Hawkeye.”

At Bucky's look, he amends “we're both Hawkeye. I'm her mentor or something.” 

They listen to _Close to the Edge_ by Yes on the 8-track player in the Bug. They arrive at the Avenger's Tower, park and head inside.

''Welcome, Sergeant Barnes, Agent Barton. May I take you to the common floor?”

“Please, FRIDAY. And how are you doing this fine evening?” Clint asks.

“Very well, Agent Barton. Do you have any requests for me tonight?”

“Nah, just let everybody know we are on our way up. Thanks, beautiful.”

The arrive on the common floor. Bucky is sweating. Clint leans over, pulls him into a half hug. “Hey, you know everybody agreed to have you here. There is no one here who hates you, no one here who wishes you harm. Tony has worked through his problems. You don't have to be nervous or afraid. You are welcome here. You belong with us. We're your friends.”

Bucky sniffs at that, embraces Clint back, squares his shoulders and they walk out of the elevator.

“Bucky! Hawkeye! Hey guys! Great to see you!” Sam yells. “We're watching Chess Boxing! It's the greatest thing I've ever seen! It's EXACTLY what it sounds like! Two dudes play a round of chess and then whale on each other!”

Clint takes off running. “If you are making this up Wilson, I will never forgive you!”

Pepper walks up to Bucky. “Hi, welcome to the tower. I'm Pepper. We're all glad you're here.”

“Thanks, ma'am. I'm happy to be invited.”

“Please ignore Tony if he gets too loud. His strategy when things get uncomfortable is to talk both fast and loud.”

Bucky chuckles, “I'll keep that in mind. I still don't understand why I'm here though.”

“We miss Steve. We know you were important to him, his best friend, and we want to show you that you're important to us too. Tony was very angry for a long time, and I understand why. But he's no longer angry at you. No one expects you to keep coming to these dinners if you're uncomfortable but we hope you enjoy them as much as we have. 

“Let's join the others, shall we?”

Bucky follows her lead and he sees a large TV with couches surrounding it. Wanda and Maria are sitting and talking. Rhodey, Sam, Tony, and now Clint are shouting at the television where two men are playing chess in front of a boxing ring. Natasha gets up from one of the couches and approaches Bucky and Pepper.

“Welcome to team night, James. It's usually not as loud.”

“Hi Natalia,” Bucky replies, a little overwhelmed.

“Would you like to go sit somewhere a little more quiet?” inquires Pepper.

“Please,” Bucky says grateful for her perceptive nature.

They walk to the other end of the room where there is a large table, already set for dinner. 

“Sharon should be here soon. She's so close to being on time to these!” explains Pepper. “We always like to wait until everyone is here to eat.”

Sharon walks in and Sam shouts “Everybody is here! Somebody come help me get all the food to the table!”

Wanda and Maria go to help. Tony starts getting glasses for everyone and a large glass pitcher of water. Clint grabs a jug of tea. Sam comes to the table carrying a large dish that has chicken breasts sliced into sections and then stuffed with zucchini, tomatoes, bell peppers, and red onions and covered with mozzarella. Wanda has a large bowl of salad. Maria carries a bowl of penne in covered in pesto. Rhodey follows them with a couple of loaves of bread.

Everyone sits down at the table. There is still an empty chair for Steve. Bucky realizes who it is for and feels happy that Steve is being remembered by his teammates when they all get together. They all eat until they are all groaning.

“Will anybody be offended if I take off my pants?” Clint asks.

“Yes!” shout Natasha, Sam, Tony, and Sharon.

“Fine,” he grumbles. “I'll just be miserable and leave them on.”

“Barnes, care for a tour before dessert?” asks Tony.

“S-s-sure,” stutters Bucky.

“Relax man, if I was going to do anything, I wouldn't do it while Pepper was here.”

They go upstairs to Tony's workshop. 

“Thanks for everything you've done for me Tony. I don't deserve...”

“Let me stop you right there. I did what _I wanted_ to do for you. It was selfish but it helped me cope with Steve's death.There’s nothing about _deserving_. Knowing I was helping his best friend...boyfriend?”

Bucky looks sharply at him.

“Yeah, ok, suspicion confirmed. But we don't have to talk about it. My therapist, Amala, lovely woman, said I shouldn't pry so I'm not. But anyway, helping you, knowing what you meant to Steve was an easy way to honor him. And I didn't actually have to see your face or think about you. I could pretend it was for somebody important to Steve without acknowledging you were the weapon that killed my parents.

“Yeah, therapy has been good for me. Have you tried it? I _highly_ recommend it. Anyway, so doing the apartment was good for me too. And I could store all of Steve's things off site which helped me too. 

“Besides everything in Red Hook is such a bargain right now. Apparently they started to gentrify the area, jacked prices up, moved all the hipster shit in, and then couldn't sell the buildings. I got your building for half the listing price. I also know it's a bitch and a half to get to Manhattan which made the probability of us running into each other practically non-existent. 

“And I had hoped being in a familiar area would be a comfort.”

“Tony, I don't know what to say.” Bucky walks away from him, starting to walk the perimeter of the room. He reaches furthest corner from the door and looks down. At Steve's shield. Tears flood his eyes. He runs out.

“Fuck,” Tony cries. “Fuck!”

Bucky runs the whole way home, all ten miles. He's never been as thankful for his strength. He just needs to be away from everything.

\-----

#### Tony

Tony follows Barnes but goes to the common floor instead of leaving. “Barnes saw the Steve's shield. He's gone. I have no idea if he is going to go back to Brooklyn or if he's just gone.”

“Tony, it's not your fault,” starts Pepper.

“I know Pep, but fuck! We were doing so well. Talking about our feelings like adult men! I had emotional feelings and I was sharing them. And then it all went to hell. I knew, I _knew_ how they felt about each other and I still managed to fuck this up.”

Sam says, “Tony, Pepper is right. There is no way you could have known he would react so strongly to seeing Steve's shield. You've done such a good job, don't let this be a big step back.”

“I know, guys, I know I didn't do anything to deliberately hurt Barnes but I still feel like I fucked up.”

“Would you rather we leave or watch a movie together?” Sharon asks.

“Oh, I definitely don't want to be alone,” answers Tony.

They choose _Back to the Future_ because everyone knows when Tony is upset, the easiest way to cheer him up is by letting him mock bad science. Tony feels warm that his team knows how to cheer him up so well.

“Look,” Tony cries out, “there is no way the Earth would be in the same place if they had gone back in time! The Earth is constantly in motion! Just because we can't feel it, doesn't make it not a fact. Even the dumb dog...”

Clint boos at that “not the dog's fault Tony, don't hate on the dog!”

“Fine, even the dog, who only goes back one minute, would be stranded in space. The Earth moves at about 30 km a second, so Einstein would be stranded 1800 km in space. And that my friends would lead to a dead dog! So there is NO way Marty would land in the exact same place when he traveled back in time!

“And don't even get me started on how much more power they would need than 1.21 gigawatts! Totally ridiculous!” Tony shouts smiling.

Feeling better after the movie, Tony and Pepper say their goodbyes to everyone. Pepper spends about half her nights at the tower with Tony and tonight is one of those nights. They lie in their big bed.

“I'm glad you're here tonight, Pep.”

“I wasn't going to leave you alone, Tony. Not after everything that happened. Big spoon or little spoon?”

“Would you be the big spoon?” Tony asks, wanting to be held.

“Of course,” Pepper replies.

They snuggle together, touching from head to toe. Tony feels more calm than he has all night.

“Should I give Barnes Steve's shield? If you think about it, he's really Steve's widower.” Tony had told Pepper about his suspicions after he had spoken to Amala. He didn't do it to gossip but because knowing this big thing about Steve and Barnes was too much for him to bear alone.

“I think that would be nice, Tony. I think if it doesn't hurt Bucky too much to have it, it would be a nice gesture.”

Tony thinks for a little longer, works on breathing in and out to a count of five, settling his body, settling his mind, then goes to sleep, being held by the woman he loves

\-----

#### Natasha

“Tony wants to give Bucky Steve's shield,” Pepper announces at lunch. They are at the same location as always but now it's been turned into a pop-up restaurant that serves comfort Italian food. Natasha wonders who will take over the space when the pop-up leaves in a month.

“I think that would be very kind of Tony,” says Maria.

“I agree,” Sharon chimes in.

Natasha thinks about it. She knows Tony figured out how James and Steve felt about each other. She is really starting to admire Tony. When they first met, he was a manic presence, chasing anything and everything that caught his eye. Then he and Pepper split up, he was betrayed by Steve, because Steve kept James’ secret, physically had to fight the other two men, and now he's thinking about what would make James happy. She understands why Pepper is willing to give him a second chance. Giving up the shield that Howard made, to the man who ultimately killed Howard, Natasha didn't blame James of course but it was hard to separate the issue, but giving James the shield Howard made, was incredibly selfless. Natasha used to think Tony was the most selfish person on their team. Now she was regretting thinking such negative things about him in the past. She had never disliked Tony but he was someone to be _endured_ not enjoyed.

“I think James would like to have the shield,” Natasha says. “I think it might show him Tony has forgiven him.”

“I think if Bucky gets the shield, he should think about becoming Captain America,” Wanda says to their incredulous stares. “He had his agency taken away for so long. He was incapable of doing good. This would allow him to help him feel like he was righting his wrongs and he would be making his own decisions.

“I know he has a few hobbies, but aside from our visits, I don't think he has much interaction with the outside world. I think he is starting to trust most of us and I think this would allow him to become closer to us, to realize we are his friends, on his own merits, not just because he was Steve's best friend.”

Natasha and Pepper share a look. Pepper shrugs. Natasha inclines her head, “James and Steve were more than just friends. They had been in love with each other since before the war, before Steve got the serum. So when Steve died, Bucky lost his best friend and his life partner, for lack of a better term.”

Wanda tears up. Sharon and Maria look at each other in shock. 

“Shit,” Sharon curses. 

“I think we need something stronger than water for this,” Maria adds. She motions the waiter over, “a round of scotch please.”

They all drink, feeling the warmth in their chest from the alcohol.

“Does this make me the other woman?” Sharon asks feeling a little buzzed. She giggles darkly, feeling uncomfortable. “I had no idea. I would have never...” she trails off.

“Don't be upset, please, Sharon. Remember, James had been living in Romania for two years, with no contact. No one knew how many memories he had regained. For all Steve understood of the situation, James had no plans to pick up where their relationship ended 70 years ago. You had no way of knowing any of that. You risked so much, lost your job, to help them all out. No one is mad or upset at you because did nothing wrong,” Natasha explains.

“I still feel weird,” Sharon admits. 

“Maybe you should go speak to James one day. I think it would be good for both of you,” Natasha says.

They end their meal, more melancholy than they had started. But they had all agreed that if Tony gives James the shield, Wanda would approach him about taking on the mantle of Captain America.

\--

Needing a distraction, Natasha heads to Clint's building in Bed-Stuy. She walks in and is greeted by an enthusiastic Lucky.

“Down boy!” an unfamiliar voice commands.

“Who the hell are you and why are you in Clint's apartment?” Natasha asks, her voice gone dangerously low.

“Aw, door, no, hey Kate did you leave the door open, you know Lucky wants to get out and sniff butts and he's only got the one eye! Oh, hey Nat!” Clint walks in, pets his dog, looks at both women and continues, “Nat, meet Kate. She's my ward.”

“Clint, I swear to God, that does not mean what you think it means! Stop calling me that!” the tall, thin brunette says. 

“I'm Natasha Romanoff, pleased to meet you.”

“Kate Bishop. I'm not Clint's ward. He thinks he's funnier than he is. I hang around here sometimes when things get rough. I have his back. He also borrows my car from time to time.”

“So you have the Bug with the 8-track player he won't shut up about!”

Kate sighs, “yeah, that's mine.”

Natasha looks at Kate with a gleam in her eye. “I think we will have much to talk about, Kate Bishop. I have a standing date with a few friends every week. Perhaps you would like to join us next week.”

“No Nat!” Clint moans. “That's the worst thing that could happen! I kept the two of you apart for a reason! Leave Hawkeye alone!”

At Natasha's look they both explain, “we're _both_ Hawkeye.”

“I'm the better Hawkeye,” adds Kate.

“I have no doubt,” Natasha replies.

\-----

#### Sam

It had been a week since Bucky had come to team dinner and left. The dinner had been a success. What happened after dinner was a bit of a shit show but no one was to blame. Sam thought about the afternoon after the dinner when he had gone to visit Bucky.

“Come in,” Bucky had replied, his eyes red. He was in sweatpants, a dirty shirt and his hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed.

“How are you, man? You kinda left in a hurry.”

“Sorry, Sam, I didn't mean to be an asshole but...”

“Yeah, Tony told us what happened, no one was upset by you.” Sam thought about the conversation Tony had had with him before he drove out to Brooklyn. How he had asked if Sam thought it was the right thing to give Bucky the shield. Sam thought whatever the two of them worked out, as long as they worked it out together, would be a step forward.

They sat on the couch. “You look upset. I know it must have been a shock,” Sam trailed off.

“Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting to see Steve's shield,” Bucky muttered. “I thought I had worked through all this shit, Sam. I know there's no way to fix your grief, but I thought I could handle missing Steve. But I feel lost again. I feel like my heart is breaking again.”

“Grief is funny like that. There's nothing you can do but mourn your best friend again. I wish it was easier,” Sam said softly.

“He was more than my best friend, Sam. I was, fuck, I still am, in love with him.”

“Shit,” said Sam,

“Yeah.”

“I'm not your therapist, you've still got one of those. But as your friend, as someone who has been in a similar situation, let me tell you, it doesn't get easier. It gets different. You know, my wing-man, when I was in the service, Riley and I were in a relationship when he died. 

“It took me years to be able to make waffles because every Saturday morning we were together, I would make us waffles. It sounds dumb, but the act of cooking that one thing was enough to make me break down. Until one day, I had some friends over and we were talking about brunch. Everybody was at my place because they all knew I was a great cook and somebody suggested I makes waffles. I looked at my life, realized that I still missed Riley but I didn't want the sadness of his death to define me any more. So I made the damn waffles. I'll admit, I cried. But now I can make them without sinking into depression. I try to remember the good memories about breakfast with Riley instead of thinking about how much I miss him. 

“I have good days and bad days of course, but having this team, having Maria, makes all the difference. It's been less than a year, so I'm not shocked that you're having a little relapse. But you know if things get too bad, call one of us, call Ta-Nehisi, anybody, please. Don't forget you have people who care about you because you're you, not because you were Steve's friend. Boyfriend? That sounds weird to say. How did you think of him?”

“Husband,” Bucky says in a broken voice. “We knew we would never be able to have an actual ceremony but we exchanged our own vows before I went off to the front.”

“Shit,” Sam says again. “Well, I'm here for as long as you need, national disaster notwithstanding. I'm also here to extend an invite to next week's dinner. But only if you want to come. Nobody wants you to feel uncomfortable. But we would like to see you again.”

“Thanks, I'll think about it.”

The two men spend the rest of the afternoon feeling a little lighter, having shared their loss.

\--

Now it was team night again and Sam wonders if Bucky will show. Everyone now knew the true nature of Steve and Bucky's relationship. He had asked Bucky if he minded Sam telling the team and Bucky said it was fine, that Tony and Natasha already knew. They were all waiting on the couches, Natasha had ordered take out and Sharon brought a tray of pastries for dessert.

FRIDAY announces, “Sergeant Barnes is on his way up.”

A collective sigh runs through the group. The elevator opens and Bucky steps out. Things were a little stilted at first but once they all adjust to the new dynamic they had an enjoyable meal.

After dinner, Tony asks Bucky if they could speak in private. Bucky once again leaves before dessert, but this time in less of a rush and carrying the round shield.

\-----

#### Bucky

A week after Tony gave Bucky the shield, Wanda visits him. He makes a pot of tea for them to share.

“Natasha and I were talking. We think now that you have Steve's shield, you should think about taking over the mantle of Captain America.”

Bucky stares at her, dumbfounded. “I couldn't. I couldn't possibly. That's not for someone like me. A killer like me.”

“Bucky,” she says softly. “I know you think, sometimes, you are past redemption. But maybe this can be a way to make you feel like you are earning forgiveness. None of us think you need to earn forgiveness even if you think you need it. We all realize you had your will taken away from you. But doing this would allow you to help people.You don't have to fight with the Avengers full-time, but you could do so much good as Captain America. Didn't Steve go through a total transformation before he became Captain America? You could do that as well. It would be a way to make sure Hydra would never have your mind again.”

“Let me think on it, please,” he says weakly.

“Of course. Would you like some time alone? I'm sorry to have upset you.”

“Yes. Thanks for understanding.”

“Always, Bucky. I hope you think on what I have said. If you choose not to, everyone will understand. No one wants to put you in a position where you feel uncomfortable or in danger.”

Bucky snorts. “Not much makes me feel in danger.”

“I didn't mean physical danger, Bucky. But I will leave you to your thoughts. No matter what you decide, we will always be your friends.” 

They hug and say their goodbyes. Bucky sits on his couch. “Me be Captain America,” Bucky muses. “That's almost as fucked up as, almost as fucked up as little asthmatic Stevie Rogers who could never turn down a fight becoming Captain America. Shit.”

He sighs. Decides he doesn't want to think any more. Maria had dropped off a thumb drive with Great Irish Bake-Off, still wasn't going to ask questions about how she kept getting these shows that weren't available in America, but he is glad she keeps fueling his habit. He puts on his baking show and very deliberately does not think about what Wanda had suggested.

\--

He lies in bed. His mind is racing. Could he be Captain America? Would it be spitting in the face of Hydra, having their Fist turned into the most visible foe they had ever encountered? Would it be spitting in Steve's face? He held such lofty ideals; Bucky had been an assassin for the majority of his lifetime, first as a sniper for the US Army and then forced to kill innocents for Hydra. Steve had been the ideal soldier, the literal representation of patriotism.

His mind wanders to the first time he had seen Steve in his uniform. He remembers seeing Steve in Azzano, suddenly big, but still with the sweetest face Bucky had ever seen. Still that deep voice, those large hands.

But Steve in his uniform, well that was like a wet dream come to life for Bucky. He got half hard almost every time Steve was in that skin tight, patriotic declaration of his personal war against the Nazis. Bucky didn't understand the flimsy costume he wore on the USO tour. But his battle gear, that was a different story. Something tough for the toughest guy he knew, big or little. It showed off his new, broad shoulders and the ridiculously tiny waist. His new, tight, full pecs. His long muscular legs. His thick thighs. His firm ass.

Fuck, Bucky was getting hard. He had gotten an erection since he was unfrozen, of course. But he didn't do anything about it, either being too sad about Steve's loss to think about touching himself or too confused by all the changes in his life. His body took care of itself and he had had a couple of embarrassing loads of sheets to wash. But he hadn't felt good enough to act on his own. Until today, having Steve's shield, having a tangible part of Steve in his apartment, knowing Steve's teammates trusted him enough to have him join them in combat.

He is starting to feel like maybe, if he becomes Captain America, he can reclaim Bucky Barnes. And that thought makes him feel warm inside. Maybe warm enough to take care of himself in the one way he had been ignoring. He rolls to his side. 

Still hard, he thinks. He cautiously palms himself through his sweatpants. He groans. He lightly pushes the heel of his flesh hand against his cock. He had forgotten how good this felt. He keeps touching himself, rubbing his cock over his sweats, still cautious, still worried about his emotional well being. He presses a little harder with his flesh hand. Groans a little louder.

He wriggles out of his pants. Looks at his cock, pink and a drop of precome on the tip from his thoughts and touch. He licks his palm and strokes himself. Up and down, with a loose grip, still unsure if he will be able to come or if he will be overwhelmed by emotions. But he feels warm, he feels safe, his hand feels good on his cock.

He tightens his grip a little, still keeping the motion of his hand slow. “Ugh,” he groans, panting.. He thinks about Steve. Remembers how he looked with his collar bone protruding and so pale Bucky could trace his veins with his tongue. Remembers Steve's new body. Cupping Steve's pecks in his hands, biting the nipples, making Steve gasp. He starts to move his hand a little faster, his grip as tight as is comfortable.

He thinks about the last time they had touched each other. They were in a tent, only feet away from Dum Dum and Morita. It was cold so they all had to bunk together. It was a moonless night so he and Steve could move around a little so long as they were quiet. They both got their mouths on each other. He thinks about Steve's hot, wet mouth on his cock. Feeling Steve's cock in his mouth, both on their sides so they could pleasure each other at the same time. 

He moves his hand faster, suddenly looking to come instead of wondering if he could, chasing his release. He pumps his cock to the rhythm of the memory of Steve bobbing his head. He remembers other times, the feeling of Steve's fingers, his cock in Bucky's ass. How it always felt so good, he always felt so full. How he felt sparks when Steve hit his prostate. He starts grunting and fucking himself into his hand, moving his hips. It is a little rough, not having any proper slick, but the small spark of pain always makes Bucky wild.

Finally it is enough and with a shout he comes. He gentles his hand, stroking himself until his cock stops twitching, his come all over the sheets in front of him.

“Fuck,” he says. “More fucking laundry.” 

\-----

He remembers the day Bucky shipped out. Hoping he would come back in one piece, hoping Bucky's Ma wouldn't get a visit, informing them all of Bucky's death. 

He remembers the vows, the promises they had made each other. 

He remembers kissing Bucky, both of them crying at being torn apart. They had only admitted their feelings for each other a few months prior and now they were to be separated by war. No one knew how things would turn out.

He remembers waking up next to Bucky on their last morning together. Sobbing after Bucky left. Going to see Dr. Erskine and not being able to explain why he was so sad. If they knew, if they knew about his perversion, they would rescind their offer to allow him to join the army. Steve just hoped whatever he did with this unusual unit would let him to join Bucky in the fight; his goal was always to follow Bucky.

He stops remembering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My husband loves Prog Rock and we have seen Yes in concert. They opened for Styx but we both like Yes better. So the love Clint and Bucky feel is a real love.
> 
> Great British Bake-Off is a gift to humankind and Mary Berry must be protected at all costs. Everything Bucky thinks about Bake-Off and reality tv are my exact thoughts. I won't judge anybody for enjoying it but it's not anything I enjoy.
> 
> [Chess Boxing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chess_boxing) is _exactly_ what it sounds like.
> 
> Sam's meal is [Primavera Stuffed Chicken](http://www.delish.com/cooking/recipe-ideas/recipes/a54965/primavera-stuffed-chicken-recipe/) I haven't made it but it looks amazing and I think I will make it soon. Maria made Jaffa Cakes (which are cookies/biscuits) thanks to GBBO but of course, Bucky doesn't make it to dessert.
> 
> [Back to the Future Breaks the Laws of Physics](https://gilgamesh42.wordpress.com/2013/03/02/back-to-the-future-breaks-the-laws-of-physics/); is where I got my science facts for movie night. My husband is the physicist in the family, my favorite science was Political Science.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of weeks in, Bucky is finally starting to bond and work really well with his teammates. He doesn't quite have a sixth sense for their moves like he did with Steve, but more often than not, he can read their body language well enough to give them what they need. He also has his new uniform. He kept the helmet the same and kept some of the stars and stripes. But the majority of it is black. He has his black boots, black combat pants with straps and hidey holes for anything he needs. He still has a white star on a blue background in the middle of his chest and red and white stripes running underneath. But the stripes are eaten up by black, making a V starting at his belt buckle and ending at his armpits. The sleeves follow that same pattern, the sleeve is mostly black, a V surrounding blue on his shoulders and a white star in the middle of the blue. He has red gloves to finish the uniform.

Chapter 7

#### Bucky

Bucky wakes up the next day feeling better than he has in long while. Not everything about Romania was terrible but he spent so long remembering how to be a person, remembering who he was that it was hard work just to exist. But the previous night he had thought about Steve. Thought about honoring him by becoming Captain America. Before he had fallen asleep he had decided to go through with it. He still wants to to step up the morning after. He texts Wanda:

 **[Bucky]** If the team wants me, I'm in.

She immediately calls him and invites him to the tower. He calls a cab and get there a little later.

“Bucky! Welcome!” Pepper exclaims.

“Hey, man, Wanda told us the great news. Welcome to the team,” says Sam.

Rhodey and Tony come out. “Hey, great to see you! We need to start designing your gear!” Tony exclaims.

Natalia comes over and hugs him. “You're doing a good thing, James. This is a good team. We are not perfect but we always try to do the right thing. Knowing that has helped me, I hope it helps you as well.”

Rhodey looks at him and says “it will be good to have you in the field. Steve always spoke highly of you. Tony and I don't go out anymore but we will be at mission control if you need anything.”

“Should we go out to the compound for a while?” Tony asks. “I have an identical workshop and there's a lot more room to train together. Plus Bucky, you can get used to the gear away from people so there aren't as many questions.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Tony,” says Sam.

They make plans to go the following Monday, stay and train for about a month, but anyone who wants to go back into the city on the weekends is welcome to. Sam looks particularly relieved at that because he and Maria have gotten fairly serious and unlike Pepper, Maria can't telecommute half of the time at SI. Bucky spends the remainder of that week packing, thinking about what he needs in a uniform and just being a little dazed thinking about what he has agreed to. He hopes he will live up to Steve's legacy.

\--

Monday comes, they take a couple of Tony's SUV's upstate and get the the compound around lunch. Tony had already called ahead and there was a huge spread of food waiting for them. After lunch, they split up. Sam, Natasha, Rhodey, Tony, and Wanda already had rooms since they had trained there before. Bucky was once again blown away by how much Tony was providing for him. His room wasn't as nice as his apartment, of course, but it was still more luxurious than he could have imagined. When he was in Bucharest, he had a studio apartment. He kept it clean but it was still shitty. All of his furniture had been found on the streets. He had a single twin sized mattress on the floor with a sleeping bag. A bathroom that was so small, it could fit into the shower in his apartment. Before he lived in tents around Europe, he and Steve had a rat trap apartment, also in Brooklyn. There was a small kitchenette, two single beds and a corner table that doubled as a drawing table for Steve and where they ate all their meals. There was a community bathroom. Before he and Steve got their place, he lived with his parents and three younger sisters in a three bedroom apartment. That apartment at least had had a personal bathroom but the five of them still had to share one shower and one toilet.

So he kept being startled at the luxury of his new living quarters that Tony provided. His room had a large bed, a little common area with a couch and an entertainment center. A small but fully stocked kitchen. A bathroom with a tub big enough to fit him comfortably and a free standing shower. He thinks this one room is about as big as his Ma and Pa's apartment had been except he has all this space to himself.

After everyone has settled in a little, Bucky and Clint are taken on a tour. They are shown the gym, the sparring rooms, the shooting range, the armory, stocked with anything and everything somebody might want to use in combat, the communal kitchen and movie room, Tony's lab. It's a lot to take in. After the tour, the team sits down and works out a rough schedule. They eat dinner and everyone retires to their rooms.

Bucky is exhausted. This is a lot for him to take in. He's nervous but happy. Even though his room is smaller than his apartment in Brooklyn, he feels more lonely here. He doesn't have his things on the walls, the worn in feel. He hopes he will become more comfortable, otherwise it will be a long three weeks.

\--

The next day Bucky wakes up, has breakfast and goes to train. They had decided to have a rotating schedule so everyone would get time to spar both one on one and then as teams. The sparring one on one is a lot easier than the team sparring. Bucky had gotten used to the way Steve fought, he could anticipate his next move so it seemed like they could read each other's minds. Now he has to learn how to fight with Wanda, Sam, Clint, and Natasha.

After lunch they have weapons training. Bucky likes this part the best. While he didn't enjoy the act of killing someone, he did have to admit, he liked the solitude of being a sniper. He and Clint try to out shoot each other and have a lot of fun.

Then they hit the showers and have a good meal. They head to bed, knowing the next day will be the same routine.

\--

A couple of weeks in, Bucky is finally starting to bond and work really well with his teammates. He doesn't quite have a sixth sense for their moves like he did with Steve, but more often than not, he can read their body language well enough to give them what they need. He also has his new uniform. He kept the helmet the same and kept some of the stars and stripes. But the majority of it is black. He has his black boots, black combat pants with straps and hidey holes for anything he needs. He still has a white star on a blue background in the middle of his chest and red and white stripes running underneath. But the stripes are eaten up by black, making a V starting at his belt buckle and ending at his armpits. The sleeves follow that same pattern, the sleeve is mostly black, a V surrounding blue on his shoulders and a white star in the middle of the blue. He has red gloves to finish the uniform. 

He enjoys sparring against Natalia and teaming up with Wanda the most. He and Natalia have a similar fighting style so they force each other to switch up styles and really think. Wanda can manipulate matter and fly and Bucky thinks that's the most amazing thing. She's a total badass and he knows they work well together. Sparring with Clint is fun but they get distracted too easily. Bucky finds himself laughing during their sparring sessions more and more. If Sam can't fly, he's just a regular guy, highly trained, but still just a man. So Bucky enjoys target practice with Sam. They have a paint gun for Sam and Bucky and wings for Sam. They have ruined several pairs of coveralls practicing together.

All in all, Bucky thinks it has been a good experience. He has fun with his teammates. They moved team dinner to the weekend so Pepper, Sharon, and Maria could join them. He's learning how to deal with Tony in his ear, chattering away, a thousand words a minute. He has a definite preference for the times when Rhodey is on the com. Being military men, they speak a common language and don't feel the need to fill in any silence.

Their three weeks finally end. They all head back to the city. He feels like he is losing all his friends, when in reality they are all just going home, a scant 30 minutes away from each other. Pepper, in her wisdom, sees that Bucky is upset and suggests moving team night to his apartment once a month. He quickly agrees.

\--

Less than a week after everyone gets home from the compound, he gets the Assemble text alert. Tony has, annoyingly, set his ringtone to shout “Assemble you asshole!” Bucky thinks it's asinine but will never change it because he knows the ribbing from Tony means he belongs. Bucky gears up, grabs the shield, hops on his bike; Steve's motorcycle was in the garage in the building. It took Bucky several months before he realized it was there. Now he goes out every couple of nights to ride and enjoy the wind in his face.

Bucky is heading to the tower when he starts noticing the looks. People on the street look at him in awe when they notice his uniform and the shield. He hopes that's a good sign. Hopes people will come to accept him as Captain America. Hopes they realize he's doing this as much for Steve as to protect the innocent. 

He reaches the tower. “Sitrep” he barks.

“Calm down there, Winter boo bear. It’s just a tiny, previously thought abandoned, Hydra base. If my intel is right, there should only be a few hostiles and a lot of intel on the last few remaining baddies. So, maybe don’t go in there all murdery,” Tony retorts.

“Stark!” Natalia scolds.

“You know what I mean Barnes, it should be an easy way to get used to working on our team.”

“Fine,” Bucky grumbles, “but I really don’t kill people anymore Tony.”

“I know. And I’m just nervous having you out in the field for the first time. Obviously the thinking cap worked perfectly for your triggers but we all think of you as indestructible like Steve. I just don’t want anything to happen to anybody out there,” Stark replies softly.

“Thanks, Tony. I don’t really want anything to happen to me either.”

“Wheels up in five,” FRIDAY broadcasts.

“I’m on my way! Don’t leave without me!” Sam shouts, running to the roof.

Bucky enters the Quinjet and sees Natalia in the cockpit, Sam runs up to sit with her. Bucky goes to the bench at the side to strap himself in.

“This really will be a good place for you to start,” Wanda says softly.

Bucky jumps a little. “Shit, I didn’t know you were there!”

“Sorry,” she replies.

“No, no, just worried about my first mission,” Bucky admits. “It wasn’t that long ago that I was on the other side of the fight. But I’m glad Natalia, Sam, and you are going with me. I feel more comfortable knowing you are all with me out there.”

“Tony paid attention to training. He thought the four of us would work well together and you would be more relaxed with us,” Wanda informs him.

“That is surprisingly astute of the man who refuses to call me by my first name,” Bucky says, smiling a little.

“He knows he will never be a stand-in for Steve, but I think he’s trying his best to be a good leader.”

“I think he’s doing a good job,” says Bucky.

They reach the Hydra cell in less than an hour, it’s right outside of DC so even if they weren’t going at speeds faster than a commercial plane, they would still have gotten to the base quickly. Sam straps his wings on and heads up into the sky. Natasha takes point, Bucky takes the rear and Wanda stays in-between them. She is the strongest when she fights but until she utilizes her powers, she is just a young woman.

They flew in hot so they know the alarm has already been tripped. But they still slink around every corner, clearing the rooms in the methodical way they perfected at the compound.

“What’s up?” asks Sam.

“So far, nothing,” Natalia responds.

“Huh. Weird,” Tony replies from mission control.

“Yeah, I was expecting to be able to at least kick in a head or two. Or maybe even watch Wanda do some cool new tricks,” Sam retorts.

“I would be happy for a short, safe mission,” Bucky admits. “I want to take out Hydra as much as the next guy but...”

“Yeah, we know, Barnes,” Tony says. “Easy and non-violent are a much better alternative than a fight.”

But of course, Bucky is proven wrong almost immediately. Tony is correct, that it is an easy run. Bucky shoots out a couple of remote control guns and Natalia follows the Hydra acolytes into a side room. Wanda captures a lingering guy with her red magic. 

Bucky hears a scuffle behind the door Natalia ran into. He bristles, and charges in, guns drawn. He’s a little taken aback when he sees the other two goons neatly zip tied on the floor.

“Well, I guess you have this under control,” he says smiling. Natalia was always good at taking down a threat, quickly and efficiently.

They transport their prisoners to the Quinjet, Sam lands and helps Bucky lay the charges to blow the base. They take off and, like clockwork, the bombs detonate.

“This was super anti-climatic,” Tony complains through their headsets. 

“Stark, we don’t want to have to fight for our lives, every damn fight,” Natalia replies.

Bucky still goes home and has a panic attack in his room. He didn’t actually see any violence and he knows he’s doing the right thing but it still is a huge stressor for him. He misses Steve more than ever. Steve always knew the right thing to say to bring him back to himself. He didn’t fix Bucky, but he made it so that Bucky was able to start to fix himself. He misses being held, having something soft after he had seen such hard things. He showers, gets in bed and tries to cuddle a pillow but it’s no substitute. He lies in bed, awake, most of the night.

\-----

#### Natasha

The brief fight against Hydra with James as Captain America _was_ rather anti-climatic, not that she would ever admit that to Stark, but that had been the plan all along. Nobody thought he was incapable of taking care of himself or the team but that didn’t mean they didn’t want to rush him into being an Avenger. The next week they are called out but James, with his flashy new outfit and shield, would be a hindrance instead of a help.

A month after James’ first outing as Captain America, a bomb is planted in a bodega. Thankfully Wanda is able to contain the explosion and no one is injured. The only description the bodega owner is able to give is that he was a white male, in a red hooded cloak. FRIDAY does some sleuthing and they find out the hooded man is named Parker Robbins and he goes by the moniker “The Hood.”

“Suuuuuuper original,” snarks Clint.

“Hush, he could have caused some real damage. How would you feel about taking James with us to bring him in?” asks Natasha. “I don’t think he has been out on a mission since the milk run at the Hydra base last month.”

“I would trust him to watch my back,” Clint says, strangely subdued. “I think it would be especially good for New York to see Captain America back in action.”

“I think the same thing.”

\--

They hunt down Robbins. He has a cloak that allows him to be temporarily invisible and boots that allow him to fly.

“If I had known he could fucking fly, I would have made Sam run point,” grumbles Clint.

Natasha sees James scale a fire escape, leap to a balcony on the next building over then use his metal arm to grip the roof of that building and throw himself over. He chases after Robbins, grabbing him before he can take off again.

“Damn,” mutters Clint. “Nevermind. Cap’s doing ok on his own.”

Natasha misses the rest of the fight while she looks at Clint in wonder. “When did you start thinking of James as Captain America?” she asks.

“When we were in training. He does the same things Steve used to do; always checking his teammates positions during a fight, using whatever he could to protect us, sometimes to his own detriment, offering help instead of criticism, stuff I guess he picked up from his time during the War. Steve may have been Captain America but Bucky was a Sergeant, used to leading, well before Steve joined up.

“He takes his responsibility more seriously than anybody imagined he would,” Clint admits. “Even me, and I hang out with him all the time. He is so quiet, it’s easy to think he’s meek and mild. But he’s a badass mother bear when his cubs are being threatened. And yes, he considers you one of his cubs. If somebody meant anything good to Steve, Bucky will protect them.”

\--

Natasha returns to her floor at the tower, deep in thought. She likes having James out in the field with her. They have similar fighting styles so they are able to communicate in shorthand a lot of the time. He is capable and strong. When Wanda first suggested he become Captain America, Natasha didn’t think he would agree. He had seen so much violence in his life, she thought he would want a well deserved break from it. But he stepped up, trained with the team and if today was any indication, will become an equal member of the Avengers. She is glad they still have team night and that they have it once a month at James’ apartment. She wants to make sure he’s not doing too much, too fast. 

\-----

#### Sam

When Sam first met Bucky he was trying not to die. Sam is extremely happy that Bucky is now on his side. He has been the new Captain America for a couple of months and while he’s not Steve, he’s damn close. They both have this preternatural ability to fling the shield and have it hit their targets then return to them. He assumes they both must have used it in tandem during World War II.

Now it’s team night at Bucky’s. Sam is the first to arrive.

“Is it Taco Tuesday? Have you fully assimilated to the 21st Century?”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah, it seemed like a good idea and it was easy to throw together.”

Sam laughs with him. “And everybody likes tacos!

“How have you been, man? Taking over the shield and being Captain America for real instead of just practice? It’s got to be a little strange.”

“Yeah, I never would have thought about taking over for Steve. My place was always in the shadows, even with the Howling Commandos. Steve had to be the man out front, the ideal soldier. I always knew I was the man to protect the team, do the dirty work Captain America couldn’t do. 

“Now that I’m Cap, it’s a little different. I mean, I still fight dirty, I’m not going to stop using my skills to my advantage but being front and center is a little surreal.

“I like going out there and atoning for my sins.”

“Bucky,” Sam starts.

“I know, it wasn’t my fault. I really understand that. But I still killed innocents. And while I didn’t have any choice in the matter, I now have the choice to fight for good. To protect the innocent people. I…” Bucky trails off. “I really like it.”

“Good. I like having you on the ground with the team. I know everybody has grown close and it’s not easy to earn our trust, but I think everybody would agree with me when I say, we trust you to have our backs.”

Bucky’s eyes shine with unshed tears. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Sam asks, wanting to give Bucky an out from his feelings.

“No, I think I’m ok but thanks.” Bucky replies.

Dinner goes off without a hitch. Sam is happy. He and Maria are doing well, he’s a fucking Avenger, he is friends with Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Wanda Maximoff, and he’s getting to know Bucky Barnes. He misses Steve, of course but is moving out of the grief stage and into accepting Steve is gone. He is glad Bucky is the new Captain America. He thinks Steve would be happy with the way their lives have played out. 

\-----

#### Steve

He wakes up. He is weak as a kitten. He stumbles off the table, looking around at the sterile room. There is equipment that is unfamiliar. He sees an IV stand with an empty bag hanging on it. He rips out the needle, flinching. He rips off the leads taped to his chest. He tears through the room trying to find where he is, when he is. He used all his energy destroying the room and takes a few steps to the door and collapses.

He cries.

He thinks, where am I? What happened? Why does this keep happening to me? The last thing I remember (I remember all the bad times in my life, why don’t I remember the good times?) was going with Tony to sign the Accords so Bucky and I could finally try and live the rest of our lives together, in peace. He wonders where Bucky is, wonder if Tony still has his shield. Wonders if Tony knew he was going to officially retire as Captain America as soon as his signature was recorded. 

He gathers up the last of his strength, knowing he needs to leave while he’s still alone. He finds his way outside. It’s bright, too bright. And loud. He hasn’t felt this way since he thawed out and was rudely introduced to a new century. He wonders if he was frozen again, if 70 years have gone by in the blink of an eye.

He orients himself, realizes he’s only a few blocks away from one of Natasha’s safe houses in Little Ukraine. While he walks, he glances at a newspaper for the date. He is relieved to see it has been a little less than a year since the last memory he has. He makes it to Nat’s secret apartment, finds the spare key, and collapses on her couch.

\--

He has no idea how long he slept but he wakes up to Natasha’s voice.

_“Steve?!?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Steve is back! Hooray!
> 
> The [ Hood ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hood_\(comics\)) is a real dude, created by Brian K Vaughn, who I love.
> 
> Bucky's uniform looks like this.  
> 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the overarching story of her life, Natasha Romanoff had never imagined a dead super soldier, a dead friend, a dead loved one, would suddenly appear on her couch. She saw her alarm had been set off, headed out to her apartment and then, somehow, inexplicably, _Steve_ , who was supposed to be dead, was passed out on her couch. 
> 
> _“Steve?!?”_ she exclaims.
> 
> “Hey, Nat, apparently, I’m alive” Steve whispers.
> 
> Natasha gapes at him.
> 
> “Yeah, I’m pretty surprised myself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve is back! And this chapter was **hard** to write. I'm currently writing the last chapter and I want to wait to post chapter 9 until the whole thing is done so it can marinate in my brain. But I will have it all the way done before December 6th because my mom is visiting from out of state and that would be an awkward conversation to have with her. 
> 
> But some sexy times are included ( _waggles eyebrows_ ). It that's not your thing, skip the last little segment that starts with "Steve was sweating."

#### Natasha

In the overarching story of her life, Natasha Romanoff had never imagined a dead super soldier, a dead friend, a dead loved one, would suddenly appear on her couch. She saw her alarm had been set off, headed out to her apartment and then, somehow, inexplicably, _Steve_ , who was supposed to be dead, was passed out on her couch. 

_“Steve?!?”_ she exclaims.

“Hey, Nat, apparently, I’m alive” Steve whispers.

Natasha gapes at him.

“Yeah, I’m pretty surprised myself.”

“You’ve been gone almost a year Steve. Does anybody else know?” Natasha asks.

“No, I was close to your place and I knew it would be secure. I’ve been out of, wherever the hell I was, for about an hour.”

“What’s the last thing you remember? Do you know what happened to you? Let me call Tony, fuck, _James_ will be so happy to see you.”

“Not right now, Nat, I don’t know where I was or what happened but I need to figure out some things before we alert the team. I remember being shot and then all I remember are the...” Steve trails off. “I remember the worst times of my life. When I remembered happy things, suddenly I forgot everything. Then when I started to remember, it was only loss and dying and heartache. I thought it was hell. It might have been hell. I was never as good of a man as I wanted to be.”

“What do you need?” Natasha asks quietly.

“A shower and some food would be nice. Maybe somewhere to hide out while I figure out what exactly happened to me,” Steve replies just as quietly.

“I think I can arrange those things. But you will need to get in touch with James and Tony as soon as you are on your feet again. They both have had a lot of grief to work through, for different reason.”

Steve stares at Natasha. “Did Buck”... he trails off.

“He told us what the two of you were to each other. The exact loss you felt when he didn’t remember you and then how he felt when he lost you. He’s Captain America now.”

Steve’s jaw drops.

“Shut your mouth, you’ll catch flies. 

“Tony had your shield and we all agreed that if anybody was going to carry it again, it should be your widower.”

“Wow, I guess Bucky did tell everybody everything. I had no idea you would all be so close.”

“We _all_ were affected by losing you” Natasha replies, sharply. “We all _loved_ , fuck, love you. We all felt your loss. Don’t act like James was the only one who would have mourned you.”

“I don’t mean that, Nat! I just didn’t realize...”

“He went into cryo-stasis until he could get his triggers removed. Tony invented a device that would help. We all did it for you. We all mourned you! How can you think otherwise?”

“Natasha, really, I’m not trying to say otherwise. It’s just, before I was shot, Tony and Bucky were at odds. Like, ready to incapacitate each other. Not kill each other, but they were definitely not friends. And it’s only been a year and you’re telling me they are on the same team, that Tony gave Bucky my shield. That you all trust Buck like I’ve always trusted him. It’s just a lot to take in. 

“I don’t doubt you but things were so different when I was here last.”

“Losing you really made Tony reevaluate his life. He finally went into therapy and he’s keeping his more self destructive impulses to a minimum. He and Pepper have made up and he’s forgiven James.”

“Bucky didn’t have a choice, he doesn’t need forgiveness!” Steve shouts.

“I know that! And Tony knows that! James understands that! But, Steve, you were gone! We had no one to mediate. We had to do the best we could, without you. We didn’t have you for a year! And I’ve only just gotten you back. You have been in my apartment for an hour! How do you think everyone else felt? How they feel now? Wanda and Sam? Maria and Sharon? How exactly were we supposed to move on when the best of us was gone? How were we supposed to mourn? 

“Because the only way we could imagine was to work together. To fight together in your name. So don’t you _dare_ lecture me on how we were supposed to act! Don’t you _dare_ tell me how we were supposed to think! We all did the best we could!”

Steve sits silently. He thinks then says, “I truly am sorry, Natasha. I didn’t think. I’m sorry you went through that. When I lost Bucky, I’ll be the first to admit, I didn’t take it well. The Valkyrie wasn’t a mistake,” he whispers. “Please forgive me for implying that any of you were doing anything wrong. I’m just overwhelmed. I will choose my words more carefully. I know you were all trying your best. 

“I’m so very glad Bucky is a part of your team now. I’m glad he’s happy. I just don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to convince everyone that it’s really me and not a trick. I don’t know what to do. And I’m ashamed to admit I’m scared to show myself to the team, to see them not trust me for who I am, to not trust that I’m actually back. I think I must have been in hell if I’m this much of a coward.”

“Why don’t you take a shower and I’ll order take-out. Will soup be ok?” Natasha asks.

“Thank you, Natasha. That all sounds nice,” Steve replies, softly. “I’m really sorry about everything, I just don’t know _what_ to do or think. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Natasha says briskly. “What is important is where we go from here.”

\-----

####  Crossbones

Where the fuck was Rogers? Rumlow had just been to the warehouse the day before and Rogers had been there, barely alive, as he had been the last eleven months, three weeks, and two days. He looked around the room, saw the destruction Rogers had wrought. Rumlow cursed and picked up his phone to call the recently retired General Ross.

“He’s gone.”

“Exactly what do you mean, Mr. Rumlow, when you say he’s gone?” Ross asks.

“What the fuck do you think I mean? I came in for my daily check in, the lab is empty, all the monitoring equipment beat to shit, doors firmly closed. And no Captain fucking America. I don’t know how I could be more clear, _General_. 

“Your plan didn’t work. In fact, because we had to make everything so hard to trace, now that Rogers is gone, _we_ can’t fucking trace him!”

“Maybe if your plant hadn’t missed, Steve Rogers’ body would still be in our lab with his mind stuck in time. Afterall, that was your plan along, wasn’t it Rumlow? I provided the untraceable warehouse and black market medical equipment. But you hatched the plan, picked the shooter, and only involved me initially because you couldn’t get your hands on the chair Hydra used all those years on the Winter Soldier. 

“I hardly see how the loss of Rogers is on me. I _especially_ fail to see how this is now my concern when I have, in the not so recent past, been visited and threatened by a mutual friend of ours.”

“Ah, now I see why you suddenly retired, General,” Rumlow chuckles.

“I don’t know what you did, but if you think I don’t suspect your involvement of Barnes coming to my home, you are mistaken. So now, this is your mess, fucking clean it up on your own.” Ross ends the call.

Rumlow thinks about what he had just discussed with General Ross. He knew his plan was a good one. The one thing he had managed to recover from a Hydra base was the gun that was supposed to be able to remove the essence, the mind, the soul of a person while leaving their body technically alive. Rumlow didn’t really know where the person went exactly but he knew it was closer to hell than heaven. He also knew the shot had to be true. The suit Rumlow had picked up and let Ross brainwash, obviously had hesitated or missed on purpose. That must have been why Rogers woke up.

Rumlow was glad he killed the man after the bungled shot. He hadn’t meant to but he was so enraged after seeing Rogers take the shot in the gut instead of the head or the heart, Rumlow just shot the piece of shit for missing. He already had his plan set to shift blame to Ross. The Avengers didn’t know Rumlow had survived the fucking Triskelion falling on him, but he had always been a fighter. 

He had woken up angry, so fucking angry in the hospital. His face was ruined, causing constant pain. Hydra had been revealed to the masses. Pierce was dead. He had been able to fake amnesia, and thanks to Shield, Brock Rumlow didn’t exist. So he had healed, had plotted. He knew the fault lay when he involved other people, but Rumlow didn’t want to die. He just wanted to break the Avengers, break Steve fucking Rogers. Break the fucking _Asset_. He had been consumed with rage for so long. He was finally able to breathe again when he could see Rogers on the table, hooked up to machines to keep him alive but not aware.

He has no idea where to start but he knows he has to find Rogers. Has to actually kill him this time. He had liked the power of seeing Rogers so helpless but maybe if he can see Rogers buried six feet down in dirt, he would get the same sense of peace.

\-----

#### Bucky

Bucky is at the tower, in the lab with Tony when he hears FRIDAY ring the alarm. “Boss, there’s a situation developing. Calvin Zabo, also known as Mr. Hyde is terrorizing DUMBO because quote the bourgeoisie is taking over New York and I’m going to take it back for the common man unquote.”

“I mean, he’s not wrong, DUMBO is almost as expensive as Manhattan,” Tony snarks. “Looks like you’re needed, new Cap.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “You don’t really have to specify ‘new Cap’ Tony.”

“I know. BB, but it’s fun to annoy you.”

“FRIDAY, who is available for backup?”

“Natasha is on her way, Sergeant Barnes.”

Bucky quickly changes into the suit he keeps at the tower and grabs his shield. He put his ear piece in and says “Tony, let Natalia know I’m on my way.”

“Will do Boo,” Tony replies.

\--

Hyde and Natalia are fighting but because it’s Natalia, it looks more like a dance. She spins in the air, kicking and Bucky throws the shield as soon as there is an open moment.

“Thanks for joining us, James,” Natalia says, smirking.

“Anything for you, Natalia.”

“You’ll never stop Hyde!” Hyde exclaims. 

Natalia and Bucky share a glance.

“Speaking of yourself in the third person, seriously last century, Calvin,” Natalia says, laughter in her voice.

“Yeah, you’re lucky Tony’s not here, he would be comparing you to a 90s villain of the week,” Bucky replies.

“I will show you and all the Avengers that Hyde is no one to be trifled with!”

Natalia and Bucky share a look. They know that to a normal person, someone without the Infinity Formula, without the Supersoldier Serum, would be no match for Hyde. But since they are also enhanced humans, who have survived the Red Room, who have survived what Hyde can only have nightmares about, they are more than equipped to deal with one wacked out science experiment. 

\-----

#### Steve

Two days passes while he recovers. On the second day he sees Natasha leave in a hurry. Hears her mumble something about a situation in DUMBO that is under control but she’s needed for backup. Steve has been feeling better, the rest and food providing enough fuel for his serum to make him feel well just enough to be antsy about his team. So he follows her.

He stays in the shadows, as Natasha taught him. Uses all the knowledge she had imparted on how to be invisible. He reaches Brooklyn and sees the altercation. He watches his best friend, his love, and Natasha fight a man. He sees them work together like a well oiled machine. 

Natasha spins and kicks while Bucky follows up with a snap of his wrist and the shield takes off. He can hear the murmur of their voices, enhanced vision showing them smile at each other. He sees the scruffy man they are fighting punch the shield once Bucky has it back. Sees the man stumble. Sees Bucky follow through with a left hook. The man must be enhanced in some way to take a hit from Bucky’s cybernetic arm. Steve wonders when and where Bucky got a replacement. Steve remembers him only having his flesh arm when Steve was shot.

It’s a little strange watching Bucky wield the shield. His hands itch to grab it, throw it, fight with it. He wants to join the fight but still, he stays in the shadows. He is impressed with the way Bucky and Natasha work together. He is, jealous? Is that the right emotion? He knows they mean something to each other but doesn’t know what their relationship was or is. He’s doesn’t like the fact that he resents their relationship; he knows they both just did what they needed to survive while he was gone.

“Hyde is making a break for it!” Natasha shouts.

“I’ve got him!” Bucky answers, throwing the shield. “ _Steve_? He gasps, finally seeing Steve in the shadows. 

Steve grabs the shield, mid flight, changes angles and knocks Hyde out. He heads down to Natasha and Bucky.

“ _Steve_ , is that really you? I thought you were dead!”

“That’s my cue to leave,” Natasha says. She grabs the unconscious Hyde and drags him off to the nearest police station.

“Hey, Buck,” Steve says softly. 

Bucky falls into Steve’s arms, tears in his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re alive! What happened?”

“I don’t know. But I’m so proud of you. I’m so happy to be here with you. So happy you’re Captain America now,” he murmurs.

He leans in, nose brushing Bucky’s in the lightest of caresses. “I missed you so fucking much Bucky. I love you.”

Their lips meet, a soft kiss. Bucky’s lips capture Steve’s lower lip, sucking lightly on it. Steve darts his tongue out and traces Bucky’s top lip where it meets his own. Bucky opens his mouth, lets Steve lick into him. They both gasp into each other. They end the kiss, foreheads touching.

“I didn’t think I would ever see you again, Stevie.”

“I didn’t think I would see you except in my memories, Bucky.”

“Where were you?”

“I have no idea. When I woke up a couple of days ago,” Steve starts.

“A couple of days? As in you’ve been back days and weren’t in contact with anyone?”

Steve decides it’s best not to mention he was convalescing at Natasha’s apartment. “I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t know when or where I was at first and then I was so weak.”

“Too weak to let _me_ know you were alive? Too weak to make a fucking phone call to me, to your team? Too weak to end the hell I’ve been living the last year?

“Steve, do you even know what we have all been through? Everyone missed you! And you’ve been alive for days, while we were still mourning you?!? My heart is still broken because I didn’t think I would ever see you again and you’ve been doing, what, for a couple of days?

“I’m _so_ glad you’re alive but I’m _so_ fucking mad at you right now.”

“Bucky, please, I’m so sorry baby. I didn’t think. You’re right, I should have made some attempt to let some one on the team know I was back right away. I was just so scared, so scared you would look at me like I was the enemy, that I was some sort of a trick. I was tired and I was scared and I made a bad decision. I spent all of my time away reliving the worst of my memories and I wasn’t strong enough to see you, to see Sam or Tony doubt me.”

“All that aside, I would have been there for you! I would have stayed by your side while you recovered! We could have worked through it together instead of St. Steven doing it on his own. You’ve got the thickest fucking head, Steve. Tony might have had FRIDAY run a few tests to be sure but how could you think we wouldn’t know it was you. How could you think I would look into your eyes and not know you weren’t an imposter?” Bucky’s eyes fill with tears.

“There’s a lot we need to talk about, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’m hurting you right now but you have to know you’re the most important thing in the world to me. Please, tell me what I can do to make this right. I’m so sorry.”

“Let me take you back to the Tower. I’ve got my own place and right now, I need to think without you there. You took some time, so now I need some time of my own. I’m not telling you to stay away from me but I’m not ready to start living together again, not right now.”

Steve is disappointed he won’t be joining Bucky in his apartment but he understands the anger and sadness. He knows they have a lot to talk about but since Bucky is the new Captain America, he knows he will see him at the tower a lot. He hopes the feeling of betrayal Bucky must be feeling will pass quickly, Steve never meant to hurt him, hopes Bucky will realize Steve was doing all he could to _survive_ the past week. He wants so badly to be back in Bucky’s arms.

\-----

#### Sam

Bucky and Steve stumble into the common floor while Sam and Rhodey are having male bonding time. They decided against calling it “bro time” as they are both grown ass men. But they enjoy spending time together, two vets in an army of civilians with super powers.

“Um, Bucky, what the fuck?” Rhodey says.

“I found a stray while Natalia and I were out fighting. Apparently this _asshole_ has been in the world of the living for two days!”

“Bucky, I’m sorry, I really am. Sam, Rhodey, great to see you. Sorry I didn’t get in touch earlier.”

“No problem, man. It’s great to see you again. I thought you were gone for good,” Sam replies softly.

“Me too,” Steve answers.

Sam looks at Bucky, sees the sadness in Bucky and Steve’s faces. “He’s safe with us, Bucky. Do you want to stay or…”

“Natalia let me know she’s waiting for me at my apartment.” Bucky looks at Steve. “I’m so glad you’re back but I really need to work through some things without you. But I will be here tomorrow, I promise.”

“Ok, Buck,” Steve chokes out. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Even though I’m mad, I still love you. I’ll _always_ love you, Stevie,” Bucky embraces Steve, whispers in his ear and leaves.

“Sam, I fucked up,” Steve says and sits on the couch, eyes shiny with unshed tears. “My only thought was of myself, and now Bucky feels betrayed and thinks I don’t care about him.”

Sam and Rhodey share a look. Rhodey goes to get beers. 

“Steven Grant Rogers, that man doesn’t think you don’t care about him! He loves you. He literally just told you he loved you. So you messed up. That happens. He’s not abandoning you, he said he would be here tomorrow. But you have to understand that he needs a little time to process. This is a lot for me to process and you and I didn’t secretly get married in the 40s. Give him some time and I’m sure things will start to be your new normal. 

“Seriously, Steve, he’s got to be overwhelmed. He has had a hard couple of years, do what you do best and respect what he wants for as long as he wants. That’s the best thing you can do, just give him what he’s asking for. You both love each other, it’s not the end of that.”

Rhodey returns, hands Sam and Steve a drink. “Steve, it’s great to see you alive. I missed you,” Rhodey admits. “When you were shot, we weren’t in a great place but I never wished you harm. I’m so glad you’re back with us.”

Sam sits there, with Rhodey and Steve, marveling in the twists and turns he has seen in his lifetime. He is so glad to see Steve again. He’s curious to see how the relationship between Bucky and Steve plays out now that it’s in the open. Because he’s absolutely sure, Bucky’s hurt feelings aside, that Steve and Bucky will make up. He can’t wait to see them happy together.

\-----

#### Tony

Tony is enjoying a quiet evening with Pepper when FRIDAY announces “Boss, Captain Rogers is on the common floor.”

Tony and Pepper look at each other in shock. “What the _fuck_ FRIDAY? What do you mean Captain Rogers is here? What Captain Rogers?” he hisses.

“Captain Steve Rogers, formerly Captain America, former leader of the Howling Commandos, former leader of the Avengers,” FRIDAY replies.

“We should probably head down,” Pepper suggests. 

They arrive to see Steve talking to Rhodey and Sam quietly.

“Steve! It’s so wonderful to see you alive!” Pepper exclaims.

“It’s good to be back, Pepper.” Steve notices Tony’s arm around Pepper’s waist, smiles sadly and says “It’s good to see _that’s_ back to normal,” nodding at the couple.

Tony smiles. “Everybody knew Pep couldn’t resist my charm for long! But seriously, Steve, what’s up? where have you been? Why aren’t you with your other, murdery half?”

“Tony!” Pepper exclaims. “We love Bucky, ignore Tony please, Steve.”

Steve looks at them. “I made a bad decision and Bucky needs some space. I’ll be honest, I’ve been back since the day before yesterday and my first thoughts were of myself, not how you would all react to knowing I was back. It’s not been my finest couple of days.”

“Steve,” Sam interjects, “it’s not selfish to think of yourself, especially when it sounds like you needed to recover mentally and physically. Just like it’s not selfish for Bucky to want to have some time to adjust to knowing you’re back.”

“I know Sam, but I feel like I let you all down.”

“Steve, buddy, it’s fine.”

“Yeah, Steve, you’re here, your other half is at least half as smart as my other half and she took me back. Bucky will come around. And as one of the most self absorbed people on the planet, let me assure you, taking some time for yourself isn’t a bad thing. You both need time to adjust, sure, ok. You stay here with us and your Man in Black, that’s a Johnny Cash reference, not a Will Smith one, will be right as rain shortly,” Tony says in a rush.

Steve looks around at his teammates, at people he was barely on speaking terms a year ago. “I’m so glad I’m back. And I’m so glad you aren’t mad, Tony. I hated fighting with you and I’m so sorry for everything. 

I also can’t believe how accepting you are about my relationship with Bucky. We had to keep it secret in the beginning and one of the best things about waking up in the 21st century is that we don’t have to hide who we love. I didn’t _think_ any of you would judge me differently, knowing I’m bisexual, but it’s such a relief to know it doesn’t change your opinion of me.”

Tony grows a little uncomfortable. “Sorry, Cap, didn’t mean to make you think we didn’t like you or ‘new Cap’. But I for one, am super excited to have you back! Do you want to be Cap again? We can have two Caps and I can make you couples’ uniforms and a new shield for whoever wants one.

“This is so great! Cap OG and new Cap! And in love! It’s like a telenovela! Death, intrigue, fights, drinks thrown in faces, slapping...”

“Nobody slapped anybody, Tony,” Steve says, finally a true smile on his face.

“ _Still_ you’re back from the dead! That has to count for something!”

Sam and Rhodey are both smiling, watching the men, who were once friends, then adversaries, start to joke with each other.

“Steve, are you hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Can we get you anything? Your floor is empty, Bucky has all your personal items, but it’s still furnished so you can sleep there. Or if you don’t want to be alone, you can share our floor,” Pepper asks, being the more practical of the couple.

“I’ll be fine on my floor, thanks.”

Pepper hugs Steve. They whisper to each other. Tony wishes he knew what they were saying but is confident in Pepper’s ability to say the right thing at the right time. 

Steve looks at everyone. “I think I’m going to head to my floor. I’m still a little weak and I get tired a lot more easily. It’s been a rather eventful night. It’s really, truly good to see you all. Thanks, Tony, for letting me come back. Thanks Pepper, as always for welcoming me. Sam, Rhodey, thanks for helping me put things into perspective.”

They all murmur their goodnights. Tony and Pepper head back to their floor. “Pep, I can’t believe Steve is back!”

“I can’t either,” she says. “It’s unreal. But then, most of Steve’s life is a little out of the ordinary.”

“I hope he and Bucky make up soon, sad Steve makes _me_ sad,” Tony admits.

“You big softie, come here.”

They hug, enjoying their closeness. 

“Thanks again for taking me back,” Tony whispers.

“Of course, Tony. I love you. I’m glad we’re together. I missed you when we were apart.”

“Help me fix Cap and his squeeze?” Tony asks.

“I think they will have to fix their relationship on their own, just like we did.”

“You’re right. Let’s go to bed. I need some time, just the two of us.”

“Ok,” Pepper agrees. They change into their pajamas and get in bed, holding each other, still so happy to have rekindled their relationship.

“Love you, Pep.”

“I love you too, Tony. Good night.”

\-----

#### Steve

Bucky did show up the next day. They spent the day talking in Steve’s old living room, both a little unsure of the other. They kept moving closer and closer until they were pressed shoulder to knee against each other. It felt like coming home.

That night was team night. It was Tony’s turn for food so it was take-out but beyond that, Steve had little memory of the food. He was still in shock that he got to see his friends again. They were all a little shocked they got to see him again.

The conversation inevitably turned to where he had been while he was gone.

“Guys, I have no idea what happened. I kept floating from bad memory to bad memory. My mind wasn’t my own. I woke up in a sterile lab in white scrubs and had no idea where I was. I just happened to be near Natasha’s safe house and she let me work on regaining my strength while I tried to figure out where I had been. I’m not trying to excuse the fact that I hid from all of you, but I was tired and scared. I’m so sorry.”

“Steve, please do not feel bad. There was no lasting harm,” Wanda answers and glances at Bucky who shrugs.

“I’ll get over it,” Bucky replies.

“I know I could have handled it better. And I know I would have recovered better if I had been here with all of you,” Steve says.

“Be that as it may, we’re all happy to have you back. We all missed you,” Sam interjects.

“I’m glad to be back. I’m glad there don’t seem to be any secrets I need to worry about anymore,” Steve says smiling.

“Not with the team,” Natasha happy to not be harboring Steve in secret. “Sorry to keep Steve hidden, but I wanted to respect his wish for a short period of privacy while he healed a little.”

“We all would have done the same thing Natasha,” Tony says. “I think we all would have given Steve what he needed if he stumbled into our home back from the dead.”

Things are a little stilted between Steve and Bucky throughout dinner but he noticed a few lingering looks. And when Bucky was ready to head home, they hugged, shared a small chaste kiss, to the amusement of the team, and Steve felt better. He was with his team, ready to win Bucky back.

\--

Steve was sweating. He was almost split in two in the most delicious manner. He was slowly rolling his hips on top of Bucky. He had never felt anything like this before. Penetrative sex usually meant Steve was penetrating Bucky because Bucky was afraid he would hurt Steve. But he had finally worn Bucky down with the promise that Steve would be on top and be able to control everything.

It hadn't felt good initially. The stretch from Bucky’s first finger was, well, it was strange and uncomfortable. But it was exhilarating knowing this was another first they would be sharing. Steve was on his back, legs spread and had finally gotten used to one finger and the greasy Vaseline that made him feel a little dirty. Bucky added a second finger and had to stop at Steve’s moan. 

“Buck, it feels so good and so weird and how did you do this so many times with me?” Steve groaned.

“You get used to it. And it does feel good. But watching your face while you were inside of me made it worth every weird feeling. Are you ready for me to move my fingers or do you need another minute to get used to it?”

“Go ahead and move, please.”

Bucky gently slid his fingers out until just the tips were breaching Steve’s ass and then, just as gently, moved them back inside while crooking them up towards Steve’s pelvis.

“Fuck!” Steve shouted.

“Yeah, that part makes it pretty fun too, Stevie.”

They had made it to three fingers, twisting and stretching him until he was begging for Bucky’s cock. He almost had an asthma attack when the head of Bucky’s cock breached him for the first time. It was so unlike his fingers, warmer with a little more give but thicker than he had imagined.

He got used to the sensations and let out a low, guttural moan the first time he was able to go all the way up and down. He leaned over, placing his elbows by Bucky’s head so he could tilt his hips to move instead of using all the strength in his thin thighs. Bucky started rolling his hips while Steve fucked himself. He felt Bucky grab his dick, hands, still a little greasy from prepping Steve.

“Yeah, Buck, ungh, just like that, feels so good, feels so fucking good…”

“Are you going to come for me? Come while I’m in you? God, Steve, I had no idea it would feel this good. You’re so hot and tight and I don’t know why we waited so long to do this. Fuck baby, I’m about to come”

Steve felt Bucky’s hand speed up and tighten just to the point of pain. He was a ball of sensation, he was on the very edge of orgasm…

Steve woke up, covered in sweat, sheets tenting from his erection. It took three strokes before he came, gasping Bucky’s name, all over his chest and hand. 

He quieted his breathing and cleaned himself off with the top sheet, pulled it off the bed, threw it on the floor and curled up into the comforter. He fell back to sleep almost instantly in his post orgasmic state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit got dark when I was writing for Crossbones. Damn. I need my kitties to cheer me up now.
> 
> It took me a long time to know what DUMBO was. So enjoy this [link](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dumbo,_Brooklyn).
> 
> So [Hyde](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mister_Hyde_\(comics\)) is a real guy in the comics (and on Agents of SHIELD) and apparently he worked with the Hood during the first Civil War. So that was something fun I learned. Hyde was who Natasha and Cap!Bucky were fighting when Bucky first saw Steve. So this all fits in on my mesh between the comics and movies I hope and I get to be nerdy.
> 
> I had Steve recovering at Natasha's for a week at first and that just seemed wrong. A couple of days seems more reasonable.
> 
> Also, check out Tony's growth! He refers to Bucky as the [ Man in Black](https://genius.com/Johnny-cash-man-in-black-lyrics) and check out those lyrics! He's really starting to understand "New Cap".
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky turns to Steve. “What brings you to the gym?”
> 
> “Just looking for you,” Steve admits a slight flush coloring his cheeks.
> 
> “Oh yeah? Wanna go a round or two, Steve?”
> 
> Steve shrugs and kicks off his shoes, glad he’s already in workout gear. Workout gear and spare Captain America uniforms were the only clothes he had had at the tower. 
> 
> They both are light on their feet as they size each other up. Bucky kicks at Steve’s side but Steve easily dodges it. They continue circling each other.
> 
> “Are you taking it easy on me?” Steve asks, disbelief coloring his voice. “I’m not that frail, Buck.”
> 
> AKA the chapter when they finally get steamy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I'm so sorry this is so behind schedule. My mom came, I got a job (hooray!), I tried to sell some of my sewing (I was unsuccessful but nobody at the show did well) then I had to pack up to go out of state. While we were out of town, one of my twins broke his right ankle and then we _finally_ got home only to find that our heater is fucked. So we were in a hotel for 3 nights and I had to move a bunch of stuff and basically everything was terrible. The good news is my kid isn't waking everybody up in the middle of the night anymore because he's in pain and we're home with space heaters. But I hope you all like this installment. I'm going to work on completing the last chapter tonight and I really and truly hope to get it done in the next week.
> 
> Thanks to everybody who has left comments, kudos and subscribed!

#### Natasha

Natasha and Kate visit the abandoned warehouse in Little Ukraine before brunch. Natasha had been there once before, of course, the first night Steve was back, after he passed out on her couch. She saw the medical equipment in disarray. Saw the slab Steve must have lain on. She had hoped a new pair of eyes would help find something. But this trip yields no more clues. In fact, all the equipment was now gone and only dust remains.

\--

“Everyone this is Kate Bishop, also known as Hawkeye. She helps Clint out when we can’t,” Natasha announces. “Kate, this is Pepper, Maria, Wanda, and Sharon. Welcome to our weekly planning brunch.

“I filled Kate in on the Steve situation. She’s going to try and help us find out who had Steve the last year.”

“Sharon and I looked back into Eric Cole’s file. As you remember, he was killed by a single GSW to the head. Nothing is standing out about him, he seemed to be just a normal man with a normal life and a normal job. Everything was ordinary about him until he shot Steve,” says Maria.

“I’m not surprised there was no new information about him. But thank you for looking again,” Natasha replies.

“ I’ve had a little more luck on my end,” Pepper says. “The building was owned by a shell corporation, Gage Ltd run by Warren Justice. When I looked into Gage Ltd and W. Justice, it led me to another corporation, Muir Enterprises, also run by one Warren Justice. The companies have a home office in Sundance, UT. FRIDAY looked into Sundance and its residences and only one more name of note came up, Bill McKay who ran a failed Senate campaign in the 70s. I couldn’t find anything beyond that.”

“Thanks, Pepper,” Natasha says, her mind trying to piece together the puzzle. She doesn’t yet have all the pieces but she’s closer now than she has been. She at least has a starting point, Sundance, UT, Warren Justice and Bill McKay.

\--

Kate tags along after brunch to see Natasha do her “secret spy stuff”. Natasha is charmed by the optimism of the young woman. But she can see steel in her spine and imagines if she’s been helping Clint, she is not as wide eyed and innocent as she appears.

They arrive at the tower and Natasha boots up her laptop and gives Kate her Stark-pad. They agree Natasha should look into Bill McKay while Kate looks into what makes a small resort town in the middle of Utah so special. 

After half an hour of grumbling from Kate and increased typing speed from Natasha, Kate finds the link. “Got it!” she shouts.

“So, Sundance used to be known as Stewart’s Flat, because reasons, or whatever. _But_ I looked into the genealogy of the Stewart family and found a name that made your Stark-pad ping me. Or, maybe not a ping, but it highlighted the name. The great nephew of Andrew Jackson Stewart, Jr is Alexander Pierce. I know he was the Secretary of State and died a couple of years ago but why would that be important?”

Natasha mutters a curse under her breath. “Fucking Hydra. Of course it leads back to fucking Hydra.”

Natasha insists Kate leave the rest of the research to her. She still has a vague feeling about McKay. She finally finds out why his name seems so important to her; his college roommate was Thaddeus Ross.

#### Steve

At Sam’s urging, Bucky is back at the gym, sparring. He had already bested Clint when Steve poked his head in.

“Oh! Hi Clint, Bucky. Um, if you’re busy I can come back.”

“No, just keeping this one on his toes,” Bucky replies, gesturing to Clint who is moaning on the floor.

“Steve, save me, he’s so mean! I always think because we’re friends, he’ll be nicer! But he never does” wails Clint.

“Being friends with you doesn’t mean I’ll take it easy on you. I want to know you will be as prepared as possible when you’re out in the field. Or at home. Or at the bodega. Or at the…”

“Ok, ok, I get it,” Clint interrupts. “My brain is glad that you care but my body thinks maybe you could care a little less.”

“Go take a hot shower and some ibuprofen and rest a little, man. You’ll feel a lot better. And let me know if you want to kick my ass at the range later,” Bucky says, smirking.

“Ok. And hey, take it easy on Steve,” Clint whispers.

“Yeah, yeah, see you later.” Bucky turns to Steve. “What brings you to the gym?”

“Just looking for you,” Steve admits a slight flush coloring his cheeks.

“Oh yeah? Wanna go a round or two, Steve?”

Steve shrugs and kicks off his shoes, glad he’s already in workout gear. Workout gear and spare Captain America uniforms were the only clothes he had had at the tower. 

They both are light on their feet as they size each other up. Bucky kicks at Steve’s side but Steve easily dodges it. They continue circling each other.

“Are you taking it easy on me?” Steve asks, disbelief coloring his voice. “I’m not that frail, Buck.”

“Fine, then let’s do this for real,” Bucky says and squares his shoulders. 

They trade punches, both landing a blow. “That’s a little more like it,” Steve remarks. Bucky crowds him, tripping him but Steve quickly flips back up. He throws a punch, only to be blocked by Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky moves closer, forcing Steve to step back or risk falling again. Steve goes on the offensive and aims his hits at Bucky’s mid-section, a few hitting his target. Bucky only crowds Steve, once again making Steve take a few steps back.

“Come on, Buck, I know you’ve got more than this in you,” Steve taunts. Bucky shrugs and kicks out at Steve’s legs, his hips, his shoulders, each kick making him back up until Steve is pinned against the wall.

“I think I’ve got you exactly where I want you, Steve,” he says, voice dark and low. He braces his hands on the wall, framing Steve’s head, his whole body only millimeters away from Steve’s. They can both feel the heat off the other, see the tiny bit of sweat their short sparring session caused.

Bucky takes a deep breath. “I forgot how good you smell” and leans in to kiss Steve. It’s hungry and fast and hard. It’s nothing like the two kisses they had shared since Steve came back. Steve returns the kiss, just as greedy. They nip at each other’s lips and their tongues fuck into each other’s mouths. Bucky groans.

“Fuck, Steve, you know I couldn’t stay mad at you for long. My place is too far, please tell me we can go up to your floor.”

“God, yes, let’s do that,” Steve gasps.

They stumble to the elevator, not running into anyone else on the way. They attack each other when the elevator door closes. Once again, Bucky crowds Steve until Steve is pressed against the wall of the elevator, bodies rubbing against each other while they kiss. Bucky slots his thigh between Steve's legs, rubbing Steve's erection against him.

“I can’t get enough of this, get enough of you,” he moans into Steve’s mouth. “Thought I had lost you for good. Missed you so fucking much.”

The elevator reaches Steve’s floor. “Shower?” Steve asks when they get out.

“Shower,” Bucky agrees.

They turn the shower on hot and hard and fling their clothes off. Bucky makes sure the water is up to temperature and drags Steve in. He presses Steve against the wall, steam starting to build. The multiple showerheads ensure they are both slippery and warm. They are both hard and when their dick rub together, they moan.

“Turn around,” growls Bucky. 

Steve complies and gasps when he feels Bucky’s cock rub his ass. Bucky rubs himself against Steve a few more times before he pulls Steve’s hips out so Steve is bent at the waist at a right angle. Bucky lowers himself to his knees.

“Missed this, missed you,” he murmurs against Steve’s ass. He grabs the soap, lathers up his finger and delicately cleans Steve’s hole. “Wanna taste you, gotta clean you up, baby.”

Steve almost comes at the words, at the action of being cleaned in his most intimate area. He shouts when Bucky has decided he’s clean enough and replaces his soapy finger with his tongue. The feeling of Bucky’s tongue licking his rim makes him lose his breath for a moment or two. He shouts again when Bucky adds the tip of his index finger, metal warm from the shower, and starts to finger Steve. Bucky gets his finger in as far a the second knuckle before laughing a little.

“Uh, so I guess it's a little late, but is this ok for me to do with my new arm?”

Steve shivers a little. “Honest to God, Buck, half of my fantasies have included you doing exactly this.”

“Noted,” Bucky says, voice low. He buries his face again between Steve's cheeks, tongue and finger moving in tandem to fuck Steve's ass until he is overwhelmed by the sensations and comes on the shower floor. 

He turns around, kneels by Bucky and gestures for the other man to stand up. Bucky does and Steve takes him down as far as he can. Steve loves giving head in the shower; there's something so sensual about feeling the water cascade down his back with Bucky in his mouth.

“Steve, it's been a long time, I'm not going to last long,” Bucky warns him. 

“Good,” Steve growls back.

Bucky grabs his head, fingers threading in his hair, pumps his hips a few times then groans and spills his release, hot and salty down Steve's throat.

Steve stands up and they embrace, both breathing hard, still hot and wet from the shower. 

“So, am I forgiven?” Steve asks meekly.

“I suppose,” Bucky sighs then smiles. His smile is like the morning sun, bright and clear. “But you're still an asshole.”

\-----

#### Crossbones

Somehow Rogers found his way back to the Avengers. Rumlow knows he has one more chance to try and take him out. He makes his way back to DC, to the Arlington National Cemetery, where they buried Rogers and Barnes empty caskets all those years ago and where, not quite a year ago they buried what they thought was Captain America’s body for the last time. He will have to rely on himself since Ross has clearly been compromised. He thinks he likes it better this way. Fewer people to interfere and fuck up.

He arrives at the cemetery in the middle of the night. He slinks in, sets his charges and the timer and gets to a safe viewing point. He can almost feel the heat of the explosion from his vantage point. He estimates he has an hour before the Avengers arrive and he needs to finish the last details of his plan to take Rogers out.

\-----

#### Sam

Sam is used to FRIDAY not showing any emotion, as she is an AI, but he hears “Boss, the Avengers are needed immediately in DC. Someone blew up Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes’ graves in Arlington National Cemetery.” Sam can almost hear strain in her voice.

Steve and Bucky stumble out of the elevator, both putting the final touches on their uniforms. Sam grabs his wings and runs with Natasha to the Quinjet. He sees Tony’s Iron Man suit fly out of the Tower. 

“FRIDAY, do we have enough time to wait for Clint and Wanda?” Steve asks anxiously.

“Captain, I would not recommend it,” FRIDAY answers.

Natasha hops in the cockpit and they take off. They all look at each other uneasily. “Who could have done this?” Bucky asks.

“I don’t know but they’ve got our attention now,” Sam answers, steel in his voice. “We will take down whoever is threatening both of you. 

\--

They land in DC faster than Sam could have imagined. When they land, they see Brock Rumlow.

“Man, I thought you were dead. We pretty much dropped a building on you,” Sam says, false confidence in his voice.

“Are you like the cockroaches of villains?” Natasha asks quietly.

“Did you all forget, I worked for Hydra so many years. Cut off one head, and two shall take its place,” Rumlow growls and charges at them.

He takes on Steve and Bucky right away. He is in heavy armor, huge wrist gauntlets and a mask that completely covers his face. His punches seem to be stronger than a normal human’s strength because when he hits Steve, Steve goes flying back ten feet.

Sam looks at Natasha. “Shit, Nat, I know he’s outnumbered but are we going to be able to pull this off?”

“We will figure something out, Sam. Watch Steve and James. Follow their lead, they have the longest track record of fighting Hydra.”

He sees Rumlow take Bucky down. “Uh, I hate to be a pessimist but he’s kinda kicking their asses.”

Natasha gives him a sharp look and goes on the attack. She leaps up, wraps her thighs around his neck and tries to use her Widow’s Bites. They don’t seem to work and Rumlow twists so she is thrown to the ground. Steve has gotten back to his feet and goes on the offensive again. Bucky follows him. They take turns attacking him but nothing seems to work. 

Somehow Rumlow is able shake off all the hits he takes. Sam wonders if he’s somehow enhanced   
or if his armor is just that good.

Finally Tony shows up. “Sorry to be late to the party, I wanted to make sure nothing else crazy was happening. Need any help, Caps?” 

They look at each other and shrug. They both move to the side and Tony fires his repulsors at Rumlow. That _finally_ has an effect and Rumlow takes a couple steps back.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Tony yells and fires his repulsors again. 

Rumlow only backs up a few more feet. Natasha goes in for another attack and is knocked out cold. Bucky and Steve toss the shield back and forth, each hit to Rumlow making him take a step back. Sam is suddenly afraid. He feels helpless because short of grabbing Rumlow and flying him to the ocean and dropping him in it, he’s not really able to contribute. He hopes somehow the Avengers will gain the upperhand but is scared they will not.

Finally Rumlow has had enough and pulls out a strange looking gun. He taunts Steve, “this was supposed to keep you frozen in a moment in time but the suit I brainwashed fucking missed. So now it’s my turn to take you out. I really should have done it on my own the first time.”

Sam sees Rumlow take aim and quickly takes to the sky. He pulls out his Steyr SPP, takes careful aim and releases a burst of bullets at Rumlow. It is just enough to fuck with Rumlow’s aim and the shot at Steve goes wide.

Rumlow curses and ducks into a mausoleum. Natasha has regained consciousness by then and they all follow him, only to see that it is empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm, my fight scenes suck?
> 
> Also, yeah literally all the conspiracy names and places directly relate to Robert Redford.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has been napping in his room for a couple of hours when he hears a gentle knock at his door. He stumbles out of bed, rubs his hand across his face and answers the door. Wanda is there, a small smile on her face.
> 
> “We’re all meeting on the common floor to discuss strategy and eat, if you would like to join us,” she says.
> 
> “Sure, let me change out of my sweats and I’ll be there. Thanks.”
> 
> “No problem Sam. I’ll let everyone know you’re on your way up.”
> 
> Sam strips down to his boxers and turns on the bathroom sink. He dunks his head under the cold stream until he can no longer bear it. He towels himself dry and gets dressed and heads up.
> 
> Steve and Bucky get frisky. Tension mounts, the Avengers bicker, Rumlow is finally found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh! I had to add another chapter! But I _promise_ I'm working on the final chapter, like as soon as I finish posting this chapter. The finale just got a little out of hand and it took forever to write and I found a great natural conclusion to 10 so I thought "self, why not just add a chapter 11." And of course I agreed with myself.
> 
> Thanks to everybody who subscribes, all 30 of you! It's not a ton of people, but seriously knowing there are people out there who like what I'm throwing into the void brings happiness into my heart.
> 
> Kudos and comments are amazing. 
> 
> Enjoy everybody!

#### Bucky

The quinjet finally lands back at the tower. Bucky watched Steve the entire flight back from DC, saw his flushed face, his clenched fists, heard him muttering curses under his breath.

“Steve...” Bucky says and tilts his head towards the elevator.

Steve stares at Bucky for a minute. “Yeah, ok.”

They head to the elevator. Tony starts to shout “we need to talk…” but is cut off by Steve’s look.

“We’ll talk tonight,” he growls. Bucky shivers at the tone.

The ride to Steve’s floor is silent, filled with thick tension.

“Do you want to shout or fuck?” Bucky asks, bluntly, when they reach the bedroom.

Steve stares at him. Then he grabs Bucky's arms and slams Bucky against the wall. Bucky has always loved it when Steve took charge. Their mouths meet, there is no tenderness in their kisses, it’s all biting and harsh breaths. Bucky gives himself up to Steve, relinquishing control.

Steve stops for a moment, takes a deep breath and asks “is this ok? I don’t want to be too rough if you’re not feeling it.”

Bucky barks out a laugh. “I remember how you went off during the war. I wouldn’t have given you this choice if I didn’t want it rough.”

“Good,” Steve murmurs. “But I’ll stop if you tell me…”

“I’ll let you know if you do something I don’t like but right now I would very much like to get fucked.”

“That can be arranged,” Steve says with a dark smile. 

\--

Bucky forgot how much Steve liked prepping him. No, he didn’t forget how much Steve liked it, he forgot how much Steve dragged it out when Steve was upset. And Steve was currently, extremely upset.

“Steve, fuck,” he moans. “I can go _now_.”

“Don’t fucking rush me.”

Bucky pants as Steve slowly slides a third finger in. He’s on his hands and knees and Steve has been teasing him for fucking forever. Sweat beads at his temples, the small of his back, the crease of his knees.

“Steve…” Bucky whines.

Steve pulls his fingers out and Bucky stops whining. Then Steve slams them back in. “Better?” he whispers.

After 70 years, or what it feels like to Bucky, Steve is ready. With hands still tacky from lube he grips Bucky’s hips, hard enough to bruise and forces himself all the way in.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathes out, harshly. 

“Ok or not, Barnes?” Steve growls.

“Ok, Stevie, ok,” Bucky pants as chills run up and down his arms from the dominant tone in Steve’s voice.

“Just to warn you, I’m not gonna last long.”

Bucky laughs. “Yeah, same.”

At that, Steve pulls out, only to snap his hips. He starts a punishing rhythm.

“Not gonna be able to walk right tomorrow,” Bucky gasps.

Steve starts to slow.

“Doesn’t mean you should fucking stop, _Steven_.”

Steve resumes the quick tempo. Bucky can hear his harsh breaths. Steve starts to angle his hips, just the tiniest bit so that the underside of his cock rubs Bucky’s prostate.

“Fuck! Steve!” Bucky’s toes curl as his eyes squeeze shut. An involuntary grunt escapes him and he blushes.

“Yeah, baby, so good like this” Steve says punctuating each thrust. “So good being filled up. Love you hear you. Love to feel you.”

“Fuck, Steve,” Bucky whispers. “I’m almost there.”

Steve reaches down and starts to stroke Bucky’s dick.

“NOPE! Not enough lube Steve!”

They both start to giggle until Steve stills his hips, still buried deep within Bucky and drapes himself over his back.

“Ok, sweetheart. Do you want to finish like this or change positions? How sore are you?”

“Honestly, I’m fine on my knees but if you’re willing to slow down, that would feel nice.”

“We can do that.”

Steve straightens back up and Bucky turns his head until he can see Steve. They smile at each other; all the previous stress isn’t gone but they are focusing on each other instead of the anger. Steve reaches for the lube, pours some in his palm to refresh himself and then adds a little more so he can start to stroke Bucky. He moves slowly now, long thrusts that almost massage Bucky’s passage.

“Like this?” he asks.

“That’s perfect,” Bucky answers.

They move together, Bucky meeting his thrusts and Steve firmly stroking Bucky. After a short amount of time, Bucky moans, tenses, and spills his release on the bed below.

“Oh, baby, wish I could see your face,” Steve whispers, almost reverently. 

A few minutes after Bucky finishes, Steve starts to come. For all that he likes to talk during sex, he’s quiet when he comes. Bucky listens as Steve’s breath stutters and feels him thrust a little harder.

They both roll to the side to avoid the wet spot and Steve takes off the condom and tosses it in the trash can by the bed.

“I love you,” Steve murmurs.

“I love you too,” Bucky whispers back.

\-----

#### Sam

Sam has been napping in his room for a couple of hours when he hears a gentle knock at his door. He stumbles out of bed, rubs his hand across his face and answers the door. Wanda is there, a small smile on her face.

“We’re all meeting on the common floor to discuss strategy and eat, if you would like to join us,” she says.

“Sure, let me change out of my sweats and I’ll be there. Thanks.”

“No problem Sam. I’ll let everyone know you’re on your way up.”

Sam strips down to his boxers and turns on the bathroom sink. He dunks his head under the cold stream until he can no longer bear it. He towels himself dry and gets dressed and heads up.

\--

No one seems particularly interested in the take out, but they all pick at it, knowing they need to eat. 

“I found out how our good buddy got out,” Tony starts. “Did any of you watch Buffy in the 90s? No? Good show, some issues, but everything from the 90s has issues. Love Friends, but some stuff just makes me cringe now. And don’t get me started on Frasier!” At Pepper and Natasha’s pointed looks he continues, “ _Anyway_ much like Sunnydale, this cemetery has an underground tunnel system. It was supposed to be a railroad system but the investors all went bankrupt right after they dug a bunch of hidey holes through DC. So, that’s helpful.

“Other than that, I’ve got nothing. Anybody have any ideas?”

“I think we all need to go if he is spotted again,” Wanda says. “I know I could have helped out a great deal but I also understand you could not wait for me to join you.”

“Wanda’s right,” Steve says. “We need to stick together so we can take him on as a team in the future. It’s not ideal but hopefully we can capture him sooner rather than later so we can all resume our lives.”

“We all had fun at the compound,” Sam says. "Plus it gets us away from a major metropolitan area."

“Yeah, tons more room and there’s actual nature,” Clint remarks. “Lots of trees to climb.”

“So you can stalk your prey, you are an actual bird brain, Clint. I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Tony but he’s right about that!” Natasha exclaims to try and break the tension. Everyone weakly chuckles.

“Ok, so essential personnel to the compound. Pepper, do you think you and Sharon and Maria should join us out there so nobody is left on their own? Can SI run without the three of you?” Steve asks.

“It won’t be the easiest thing, but we should be able to figure something out,” Pepper responds.

“And Kate,” Natasha interjects.

“Yeah, my protege,” Clint agrees. “Don’t want her to be the first screaming high-schooler in a horror flick who ultimately meets their demise.”

“If we’re at the compound we can train again,” Sam says looking at his teammates. “Rhodey, you and Tony can keep running mission control while we train so everyone gets used to all the different ways we need to fight with either or both of you in our ear. I don’t know the right way to take on this mad man but I think between us all, we can come up with something.”

“I can have FRIDAY go through all my footage and analyze his fight patterns and try and figure out what’s up with the gauntlets,” Tony adds.

“Great! We’ll leave at 0600?” Steve asks. Everyone groans. “Ok, 0700.”

Sam heads back to his floor, not optimistic but not as weary in his soul. He isn’t sure what the future looks like but having a plan is much better than just aimlessly wandering the tower waiting for Crossbones to strike. He hopes that everyone will be able to work together to take him down. He yawns a couple of times in the elevator looking forward to getting back into his comfy clothes and sleep some more.

\-----

#### Natasha

They had been training almost non-stop for a week and everyone was getting restless.

“Training was fun before a psycho started trying to kill our senior citizens,” Clint whined.

“Ah, yes, old jokes, those _never_ get old,”Steve replies, dryly.

“Barton, if you need a break, feel free to get lunch together for everyone. I know this is tough but unfortunately it’s just the way things are going to go at this particular moment in time,” James snaps.

“Fellas, let’s keep it civil. Nobody wanted to be here for this long but we all agreed…” Natasha starts.

“I _know_ Nat! I know being in the same place, away from the city and its million of innocent civilians is the best thing but it still sucks,” Clint interrupts. “I’m sorry to be whiny but damn. This sucks. Like a lot.” He looks at Natasha, Steve, James, Sam, and Wanda. “Guys, does anybody mind if I walk the perimeter for a while? I’m not fit for company.”

“Go ahead man,” Rhodey says over their coms. “It might actually do us all good to be separated for a while.”

\--

Steve and James invite Natasha and Wanda to lunch. Things aren’t as tense as they were during training. But there was still an uncomfortable feeling in the air.

“Clint will be better once he clears his head. He’s not used to being cooped up so much. He’s always been a bit of a nomad,” Natasha says quietly.

“No one is mad at him, Nat. We’re all on edge from being stuck together,” Steve answers.

Everyone seems to be in their own little world, just picking at their sandwiches.

FRIDAY breaks the silence, “Everyone is gathering in the lab. Colonel Rhodes and Agent Hill think they have found something.”

They all gather up their dishes and drop them in the sink then rush to the lab.

\--

“We know where Rumlow is,” Maria says as soon as they are all together. “I was able to use some of SI’s tech to map out the underground tunnels and we were able to obtain security footage of where he emerged after our fight. We weren’t able to track him through the city but we kept an eye on the entrance and exit to the tunnels he had used and he returned about 10 minutes ago. If you can all be ready to leave in a few minutes you may have a chance of catching him either in the tunnels or track him after he leaves.”

Natasha sees James and Steve stiffen, look at each other and nod.

“Let’s finish this,” James says.

They are all silent on the trip.

“Doesn’t look like he’s moved,” Tony’s tinny voice says through their earpieces. “Pretty sure it’s a trap.”

“Yeah, Tony, that’s the general consensus here,” Steve replies as he sees the others nod.

Natasha and Clint find a clear spot to land. 

“Yeah, definitely a trap,” James says, looking around. “No _way_ there would have been such an obvious place to land unless he wanted us to be here.”

“There looks to be an explosive device in the entrance of the tunnel,” FRIDAY informs them.

“So, we find another way in,” Natasha says.

“Already on it,” Tony says. “If you can get Wanda about a thousand feet south, there’s another entrance that she should be able to clear. But, Caps one and two will have to help. And Wilson we will need you in the air.”

“Sounds good,” Sam replies.

“Natasha, can you can Clint set off the explosion in the tunnel at my signal?” Steve asks.

“Of course, Cap,” Clint says with a smirk. “I’m _great_ at blowing shit up.”

“Thanks, man,” James says, a slight chuckle in his voice.

“Rhodey is going to run operations on this because he told me he was much better at it. I think he’s wrong but he seems stressed and a big vein in his forehead is throbbing and I don’t want to give him heart palpitations so I’m going to do what he wants this time,” Tony interjects.

“Tony, I’m not, my head isn’t…” Rhodey starts. “Whatever, man. Ok, is everyone ready?”

They all voice their assent. Natasha sees Sam fly off while Wanda creates a large red sphere around Steve, James, and herself as they head south. Natasha and Clint wait, barely breathing. 

“Ok, Nat, now!” Steve shouts into her ear.

She looks at Clint, a smirk on her face. “Knock yourself out.”

He smiles and fires into the entrance. An explosion bigger than they had expected goes off.

“Natasha, can you and Clint head northeast until you see another exit? It shouldn’t be more than half a mile away. FRIDAY is pretty sure that’s the only other exit. Sam is keeping an eye on everything so I’ll let you know if he sees anything. FRIDAY is covering the rubble, just in case Rumlow had another way out after the explosion,” Rhodey says.

“Sure, man,” Clint says and they both take off running.

“So far there is nothing to see,” Wanda whispers through the coms. 

Natasha and Clint run a few more minutes until they see the spot Rhodey warned them about. They check to make sure it’s clear as well.

“All clear here,” Natasha informs the others.

Tony and Rhodey trust them all enough to not warn them about staying quiet or making sure to clear their route before they move forward. She and Clint creep forward, not needing words to communicate.

Suddenly they hear gunfire and Steve starts cursing in their ear. “Shit, shit, I think we found him!” he shouts.

“FRIDAY, can you tell me how far away we are from everyone else?” Natasha asks.

“If you continue at your current speed, Agent Romanoff, you should be there in about 4 minutes.”

They pick up their pace and a few minutes later they see Crossbones fighting the others. Steve and James are trying to distract him while Wanda works on trying to enclose the obvious bomb in the middle of the tunnel.

“I see you all managed to make it. Congratulations on not getting blown the fuck up at the start,” he growls. “But I can’t guarantee you will be so lucky now,” he says and presses a button on his right gauntlet. It sets off the explosion and Wanda easily contains it. Natasha sees him move but doesn’t have the time to shout a warning. Rumlow detonates a second explosion that is inside his suit and Natasha is blown back into the wall and everything goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER!!!! OMG!!!
> 
> Don't worry, it will be a happy ending. Much like Marvel, I'm not going to kill off any of the main characters. Spoiler, they won't come out of it totally unscathed but I'm not cruel. Well, unless you ask my cat who wants to be fed all the time.
> 
> Soooooo, I was just doing it because I thought it was silly, graveyards having tunnels for vampires to live in and escape through but then I found out [Spokane, WA actually had a train system that was abandoned that had tunnels under a cemetary. ](http://spokanehistorical.org/items/show/127)So you learn something every day I guess!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck, fuck, fuck! Please don’t let both WWII Supersoldiers and Captain Americas (or was it Captains America?) die on his watch, Tony thinks frantically. 
> 
> “FRIDAY, what the hell happened,” he shouts.
> 
> “Boss, I’m still getting a heartbeat from everyone but I don’t know where or what condition everyone is in.”
> 
> “Rhodey, I should have been there! This is all my fault! I could have…”
> 
> “You could have, what, Tony? Been injured as well? Everyone agreed you and I were better off here. Let’s get in touch with Sam when we know he can land and then go talk to Pepper and if you both agree, you should go there and work on trying to find everyone. _But_ we have to get the all clear from FRIDAY first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Kudos and comments are amazing!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and waiting so long!!!

#### Natasha

Her ears are ringing. It hurts to breathe. She tries to open her eyes but drifts back into the black.

#### Bucky

He needs to get to _Steve_! Where the fuck is _Steve_? He tries to move but the searing pain in his leg stops him and he gasps, floundering.

#### Sam

Shit! Sam saw the earth fucking _move_. 

“Tony, Rhodey, what the fuck happened?!? What was that? Is it safe for me to land?”

“Sam, I’m going to have to get back to you. For right now, it’s safer in the air,” Rhodey replies, stress bleeding through into his voice.

#### Tony

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Please don’t let both WWII Super Soldiers and Captain Americas (or was it Captains America?) die on his watch, Tony thinks frantically. 

“FRIDAY, what the hell happened,” he shouts.

“Boss, I’m still getting a heartbeat from everyone but I don’t know where or what condition everyone is in.”

“Rhodey, I should have been there! This is all my fault! I could have…”

“You could have, what, Tony? Been injured as well? Everyone agreed you and I were better off here. Let’s get in touch with Sam when we know he can land and then go talk to Pepper and if you both agree, you should go there and work on trying to find everyone. _But_ we have to get the all clear from FRIDAY first.”

#### Steve

There is a burning pain in his right shoulder. He can feel Wanda underneath it. Her breaths come out in hitches. He feels vibrations in her back; she is speaking but he can’t hear anything. He grimaces and shifts, muttering under his breath, “its ok, it will all be ok” or at least that was what he wants to say. He can hear himself no better than he can hear Wanda.

#### Natasha

She could move. It still hurt to breathe, she was pretty sure she had broken or at least bruised ribs. And the ringing in her ears had gone down a little in volume. She rolls over and sees Clint staring at her.

 **”I’m alive. Are you ok?”** he signs.

 **”Yes. We need to work on helping the others if you can,”** she signs back.

**”Yeah, my head hurts and I feel dizzy but I’m ok to help.”**

Natasha winces as she stands. Clint helps her get the rest of the way up. She can see Steve’s shield and under it, his and Wanda’s legs. She looks for James. The three of them had been the closest to the blast. Clint taps her shoulder.

 **”I see Bucky. You can help Cap and Wanda?”** he signs. She nods and slowly makes her way over to the shield and her teammates.

#### Tony

“Tony, calm down. Of course I want you to go help. Just as soon as FRIDAY confirms everything is structurally sound, you can suit up and go. But you can’t fly in and make things worse!” Rhodey says, his voice getting louder and louder.

“I know. I know. I’m sorry I’m stressing you out. I’m just worried. And before you say it, I know you’re worried too.”

“Boss, it looks like things are stable. I’ll pass that on to Sam and keep you both updated while you fly out.”

Tony looks at Rhodey. Rhodey smiles a sad smile. “Go help, Tony. Be careful. But bring our team back.”

#### Natasha

Natasha gasps as she made her way over to Steve and Wanda. 

“I’m ok, Nat. I’ve got Wanda. Buck…” Steve trails off.

“Clint is getting James. Let’s make our way to the jet so we can go home.”

“Cap! Bucky! Natasha!” Tony shouts. “Wanda! Clint! Are you all alright?”

“FRIDAY said everything was stable, we’re coming in,” Sam adds.

Natasha sees Tony burst in. “We’re all alive Tony,” she murmurs. “But we could use your help getting out of here.”

\--

“You were all extremely lucky,” Pepper states a week later. 

Natasha nods. “We have a good team.”

Maria and Sharon nod soberly. “How is your arm, Wanda?” Sharon asks.

“It is still painful but it is healing very well. The supplies T’Challa sent us from Wakanda have helped tremendously. I doubt I would have made a full recovery without their technology.”

“And Nat, how are the ribs?” Maria inquires.

“Fine. Nothing to be done for them but wait. Unfortunately Clint and I are not Supersoldiers nor do we have anything that is easily fixed so we both must just wait to heal. Steve and James healed in a few days.”

“Clint doesn’t get headaches as much,” Kate interjects. “And Lucky is really good about keeping an eye on him if he looks wobbly.”

“How is Tony?” Natasha gently asks Pepper.

Pepper sighs. “Still having nightmares, still obsessing in his lab, still going to therapy.”

They all are quiet for a moment, deep in thought.

“This got depressing super fast” Kate chirps.

Natasha chuckles. “As usual, Kate you are right. All we can do now is move forward.”

“And we still all have each other. That’s the most important thing,” replies Pepper.

#### Tony 

Tony was tinkering in his lab when Bucky came up. 

“Thanks…” he starts. “Thanks for everything, Tony. I know this took a toll on your mental health but thanks for all that you’ve done for me. Giving me a home, Steve’s shield, giving Steve and me a place to live. I know it can’t have been easy but…”

“I’m going to stop you right there before I’m as embarrassed as you are. I’ve gone through a lot of growth this year but we really don’t need to talk about it.

“Hey, before everything went balls up, Steve mentioned you used to like to tinker with stuff. If you ever get bored banging Steve, feel free to tinker with me.”

Bucky rolls his eyes. “Thanks, I’ll think about it,” he smirks.

Suddenly a crash of thunder hits, startling both men.

“Um, Boss, there seems to be, well, I’m not sure how to describe it, but it’s definitely not a natural phenomenon… But there is someone on the roof...” FRIDAY trails off.

“Huh, I wonder who broke your bot,” Bucky laughs.

They head up to the roof, laughing and mocking each other. Neither of them notice Steve who smiles at their friendship.

“Tony, friend!” Thor booms. “ I am back! Heimdal said you had some excitement abound. Unfortunately, as my Lady Darcy says, I ‘had shit to do in space.’”

#### Steve

After they had all had dinner and caught up on all the excitement, Steve was _finally_ able to get Bucky to himself.

“How are you feeling?” he asks with a smile. “Do you need more time to recover?”

“Hell no,” growls Bucky. “I’m back in business if you are.”

At that, Steve tackles him to the floor.

“Steve! There’s such a thing a a bed!” Bucky laughs.

“Too far. Gotta taste you, Buck. Missed this so much.”

He tears Bucky’s shirt off and starts to unbutton his jeans.

“It’s ok, Stevie. I’m here,” Bucky whispers, gentling Steve’s hands. “We all got hurt but we’re all healing. You and I are actually totally healed, I might remind you.”

“I know but I thought I lost you again,” Steve gasps. 

“Sweetheart, I’m right here. I’ll do my best to never leave you again. I love you.

“We lost each other but we will always find each other.”

At that, Steve surges up to kiss Bucky. “Please, please let me touch you.”

“Of course. Always.”

After so much of an emotional display, neither of them have the patience to wait. They are no longer rough with their loving but they waste no time getting their mouths on each other. They stay on the living room floor, not having the willpower to move to the bedroom.

“Ahhhh, fuck, Stevie, just like that. Your mouth was made for sinful things,” Bucky gasps into Steve’s crotch.

Steve pulls off with a pop, lifts his head off the floor to look at Bucky, “I’m glad. But umm…”

“Yeah, yeah, ok,” grumbles Bucky but he’s smiling as he swallows Steve down as far as he can take him.

Steve finishes first, gasping. As soon as he catches his breath he starts to suck Bucky off in earnest. 

“Fuck! Fuck!” Bucky moans as he spills his release.

They both lie on the floor grinning at each other.

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up and head to bed. Neither one of us are as young as we used to be,” Steve says with a laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said Natasha has the Infinity Formula, and she still does, but nobody knows about it but her. I don't know why she's so secretive, but she is a spy.
> 
> Also, like a lot of fans, I love the idea of Tony and Bucky tinkering together. So since it's my world, I gave them that option!
> 
> So, it's finally finished! Thanks to everybody who has left kudos and comments and the real MVPs, my subscribers. I hope you all liked the end. I'm sorry it took so long, I got such a block about the end and even now I think it feels rushed. But they are all happy and in therapy and honestly that's all I want for this group. Now I just need to finish up my Stardust AU and start on my Cap Reverse Big Bang piece. 
> 
> I can't go into specifics on the CRBB but I _LOVE_ my art work and I'm so excited to write a little fluffy piece about it. Aghhhhh, I'm still so excited and I claimed the piece like a week ago!!!
> 
> Thanks again for reading. It was fun to write and I love this fandom and these two men out of time and in love make my heart swell. 
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://lepineault.tumblr.com/%20) to chat about all things Marvel and how I hope to help make the world a better place.


End file.
